Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Quotes

She'd just silenced it, not shut it down. It was a little disruptive.

"Her clit vibrated and pulsed in response to the grinding motion."

Tied Up, Tied Down -- Lorelei James

Proceed to the highlighted route. In eight inches go straight to enter "Vagina." You have arrived at your destination.

"He seemed to know her body's secrets as if he'd been handed a sensual roadmap."

The Day We Met -- Barbara Bretton

Why would she even have that button???

"Jules was right on the edge and desperate to go over. Hell I was too, so I reached down and worked her detonation switch until she exploded around me."

Calling His Bluff -- Lane Hart

She was all churned up by his Country Cock

"'Clippy's eyes whirred shut with pleasure. Curled like that, he looked like a giant letter C.
As she spurted lady-butter all over Clippy, she briefly remembered her mission to find more letters and figure out what he was."

Conquered by Clippy -- Leonard Delaney

It was, like, boom, boom, boom even brighter than the moon, moon, moon

"She'd exploded like fireworks on the Fourth of July -- bright, beautiful, soaring and full of sparkle."

Bedding the Bad Boy -- Virna DePaul

Dear Author: You should show, not tell.

"'I know what you're thinking: cocky bastard! Asshole! A legend in his own mind! All true exclamations, my dear. But guess what? cocky bastard or not, if I were to lick you, nice and slow, right on your sweet button, the way you deserve to be licked, the way you've only ever dreamed of being licked, the way no man has ever done for you before, I guarantee it'd take me less than four minutes to deliver you unto pure ecstasy that would make you surrender to me, totally and completely.' I smile to myself.
'Yes, My Beautiful Intake Agent, if I were there to teach you what your body's divinely designed to do, you'd be forced to admit an immutable truth, whether you wanted to or not: In addition to me being one cocky-bastard-asshole-son-of-a-bitch motherfucker, I'm also the man of your dreams.'"

"This email is not an official Club communication. In fact, if anyone at The Club ever found out about it, I'd lose my job faster than I could say 'my sweet button' or 'petals falling off a flower' or 'plunging into me like a hot knife in warm butter,' or, perhaps, my favorite, 'cocky-bastard-asshole-son-of-a-bitch motherfucker.'"

"Actually, I just wanted to hate you, you cocky bastard asshole motherfucker."

"Now, before you start gloating or jacking off or doing whatever it is a cocky bastard like you does to celebrate your sexual godliness, let me tell you a few more truths -- the ones you might not like quite as much as the above entries."

"Perhaps every single woman you've ever been with has appeared to come during sex with the Magical Fuck Wizard himself, but, statistically speaking, at least ten percent of them are lying to you."

"Thanks to that application, she knows better than anyone -- literally, anyone -- just what a cocky-bastard-asshole-son-of-a-bitch motherfucker I really am."

"Why don't you read your cocky-motherfucker-asshole message to me?"

"Where's the cocky bastard motherfucker I am night and day with everyone else? That cocky fucker executes high-risk-high-reward strategies on a daily basis and climbs mountains with his bare fucking hands. He's the fucker, not the fuckee."

"I might be a cocky-son-of-a bitch-asshole, but I'm not a total and complete dick, okay?"

"You're a cocky-asshole-motherfucker, you know that?"

The Club -- Lauren Rowe

A Marie Curie romance. Spoiler Alert: it doesn't have a happy ending.

"Every time my radiating bosom touched his fiery skin, I felt a shrill sensation of excitement coil through me, making my legs intertwine with his own, as though they were begging to be set free of my jeans."

Come Home Cowboy -- Alyssa Canter

Cuntapult

"The first touch of his tongue shot her off the bed as it slid over her swollen nub."

For the Sake of Sin -- Suzie Grant

No Vagina Left Behind

"His cockhead pushed slightly against her untested, moist entrance, and then slowly she sank down on him."

Heart of the Gladiator -- Lydia Pax

Why you should never tie a key to a tampon string

"They were driving through her with the force of lightning, and all she could do was hang on while the sensations played out."

Found -- Hazel Hunter