Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Quotes

Post Traumatic Sex Disorder

"Pleasure exploded along her nerve-endings in a blinding wave. She lost any sense of time, all ability to reason. Wicked excitement controlled her. He pushed her vest and her bra out of his path and stroked the painfully beaded tips of her breasts until she was whimpering she knew not what. From that point there wasn't a moment where she regained control or even came close. She was squirming, writhing, begging him not to stop, possessed by a greedy blaze of elemental need. At an intoxicating high of delirious pleasure she was gripped by wild convulsions of ecstatic release. Shell-shocked by the jolting, all-encompassing power of that experience, she clung to him in the aftermath."

The Italian's Inexperienced Mistress -- Lynne Graham

And also her last

"I detonate and my back bows off the bed as I repeat his name over and over, losing myself to the most intense orgasm I've ever had."

Beloved -- Corinne Michaels

At least he had the forethought to contain the debris

"He felt the heat of his climax boil up and out of his balls, felt the tight clench of muscle and the rush of his ejaculate as it raced the length of his cock and exploded into the tip of the sheath."

Crystalfire -- Kate Douglas

Come on now, you can do it, put a little power to it!

"She encouraged his thrusts to go deeper, faster...such delicious pressure as he seemed to know exactly how to move until she felt the wave begin and build, soon helpless to control herself from screaming her pleasure as her own climax engulfed her. Stars exploded behind her eyelids and she felt strangely detached from her body, and yet at the same time, connected intimately to every cell of her being."

Cowboy for Sale -- Janet Wellington

Sounds about right.

"'What do we call ourselves?'
'A militia!' they shouted in their best terror-inducing voices.
'And what do we want?' The Bear said.
'America! And something about land! And no more government! And the army killing jihadists and immigrants!' they shouted back.
The Bear raised his gun. 'And how are we gonna get it?'
'By hanging out with each other and ours guns for a year!' They devolved into unintelligible grunting again."

Oregon Patriots Occupied My Butt -- Leonard Delaney

P.S. Typo is that of the author, not Uncle Walter

Ten-hut! To the rear. Fall in.

"Eager to follow up on this particular fantasy scenario, Cara grasped the soft border of his skin tight leather pants and dragged them down the length of his long trim legs; revealing as he did a long hard shaft that seemed to salute her presence."

Mr. Lance the New Teacher -- Rachelle North

She had a hair trigger

"He brushed his thumb against the pink bud rising from her curls. Within moments she exploded."

The Trouble With Being Wicked -- Emma Locke

This time his dick really and truly actually exploded. Like, literally.

"In release I let out a loud whimper and reveled in victory as I felt as his cock explode, filling me with his hot sex."

Forbidden Curves -- Talia Day

P.S. All of those... many mistakes... belong to the author, not Uncle Walter.

Of all the things wrong with this, "administrations" probably bothers us the most.

"When her mouth closed around his engorged cock, Matt's world became a white-hot explosion. And when Holly's lips began to slide up and down his length, puckered in a ring of fire, Matt all but writhed underneath her touch. Every sensation that came from Holly's careful, mind-blowing administrations seemed to shoot straight to every single nerve of his body. Soon enough, Matt found himself hovering over the edge, and it was only by some formidable act of willpower that he was able to somewhat steady himself enough not to explode without warning."

Ruthless -- Kathryn Thomas

It seems you've confused "orgasm" with a nuclear explosion. Again.

"It came on so easily, as if it hadn't been hiding at all, streaking through my limbs until I was white-hot and shaking. Every cell, every fiber of my body glowed and shone, my every molecule quivered with the brilliance of my orgasm."

Free Me -- Laurelin Paige