Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Quotes

It's penis adjective bingo!

"I looked down and saw that his stiff, thick, erect, and long manhood was pointing directly at me. My tongue damn near flew out my mouth to get at it."

His Dirty Secret -- Mia Black

How's the peeping? Tommy, how's the peeping?

"Leaning up a little, I peeked inside the window. My breathing stopped completely when I realized it was her bedroom. She was sitting on the edge of her bed, unlacing her black combat boots, and when I pulled my cock out I didn't stop to think about what I was doing. All of a sudden I had my dick in my hand."

Pulling Her Trigger -- Alexa Riley

Super Villain Slacks and his sidekick Boxers

"He's wearing grey slacks and a soft blue, collared shirt."

"I can feel something through his slacks. He's hard."

"I shift against him so I can feel the firmness in his slacks."

"Blake slings his hand under my knee, pulling our bodies closer, so his cock is pressing against my sex. Only the fabric of his slacks in the way. Pity those slacks exist. They seemed so nice when I saw him this morning, but now I know the truth. They're evil."

"His cock is hard against the flesh of my ass. Still those stupid slacks in the way."

"His cock presses against my sex. Those stupid slacks are in the way again. The things are pure evil."

"I can feel his erection through his slacks."

"Stupid slacks. In the way again. Fabric and I are destined for a combative relationship."

"I press my hand against him. Boxers in the way. Always something."
(Bonus: "My sex pangs with want.")

"He guides my hand up his thighs, under his boxers, around his cock."

"His cock is straining against his slacks, pressing against my cunt. Fabric again. It's become quite the adversary."

"He straddles me. Fabric presses against my sex. Dammit. His boxers are in the way. I shift to press my sex against his cock. He feels so good, so close, even with the fabric between us."

(Bonus: "His tongue slides over my outer lips. So warm. So wet. So amazing. He sucks on my other lip, scraping teeth against it gently." -- How many lips does she have?)

"He shifts. Some movement of fabric. Those stupid boxers getting out of the way."

"I reach for his boxers. Blake shakes his head."

"Blake slides out of his boxers. Holy crap."

"No longer naked, sadly. He's wearing his boxers."

"He's wet and smooth and his body still feels damn good, even with my sweater and his boxers in the way."

"He looks damn good in those boxers."

"Still in his boxers. He wraps the blanket around his waist."

"He's hard under his boxers. Almost mine."

"My sex rubs against the hardness in his boxers."

"There's a soft bit of hairs just below his belly button. I slide my hand beneath them and play with the waistband of his boxers."

(Bonus: "I inhale every ounce of ecstasy." Don't do drugs, kids.)

"Blake shifts, sliding his boxers to his knees."

"He pulls his boxers back on. Reaches for his coffee."

"He undoes his belt. Unzips his slacks."

"Blake pushes his slacks to his knees. Then the boxers. They strain over his cock."
(Wait, what? He pushed the clothing down and they were STILL covering his cock? Just how big was he???)

"He takes off his shirt slowly. Then the belt. His shoes, socks, slacks.
He slides his boxers to his feet."

"Blake does away with his t-shirt, his pajamas, his boxers. I gasp."

"And my God, he's wearing one of those silly men's racerback tank tops. Blue with Columbia in big, white letters.
He catches me staring. 'If you think that's something, you should see the matching boxers.'"

"He slides out of his shorts and tugs at his boxers. He points to a label on the side. Columbia."

"He slides his boxers to his knees. Oh, hell yes."
(Do they ever go anywhere else?)

(Bonus: "The panties are in the way, but they're no match for Blake's determination.")

"He's hard. I can't feel it from this position, but I can see the erection straining against his slacks."

"He moves faster with his shirt, shoes, socks, slacks, boxers." 

(Bonus: "Blake's eyes are on fire." -- Jesus fried chicken!)

"He pushes his jeans off his hips. Then the boxers."

"I unzip his jeans and tug them down his hips. Then the boxers."

"He pressed his lips to mine, pushed off the bed, and stepped into his slacks."

The Billionaire's Deal -- Crystal Kaswell

But what kind of egg? Chicken? Ostrich? DINOSAUR?

"Gina started stroking his immense, half-hard cock with one of her tiny hands. At the same time, she began massaging his heavy, egg-sized balls with the other."

Sealing the Deal -- Felicity Fleming

Very hot and awfully wet

"His eyes burned over her skin, lingering on her breasts until her nipples tightened to hard little points that ached for his touch. Then lower, so a fire coiled in her belly, and moist heat welled up between her clenched thighs."

Break Out -- Nina Croft

Well, we're not turned on, but now we really have to pee

"His knees brushed her thigh as he placed his hands on the car roof, either side of her shoulders. 'Katie,' he whispered, his voice husky, while she stared up at him like a damn rabbit caught in the headlights. His lips came down, warm and moist in the October night. His mouth closed on hers with a gentle pressure that sent wild desire spiraling through her. Ridiculous! It was only a damn kiss, but his lips caressed, like a warm tide along a smooth beach. Each pressure on her mouth sent another rush of sensation flooding her mind and body. Wetness gathered between her legs, as he pressed his body against hers."

Trick or Treat -- Madeleine Oh (Party Favors)

Didn't we just go through this? Treat your body right.

"His gaze dipped again, lingering, just for a second, on her breasts. The girls tightened accordingly, the stupid bitches."

Trouble -- Ann Christopher

One look at you and I can't disguise I've got hungry eyes

"Her eyes ate me alive, sending the blood pounding in my ears straight south to join the rest of it, filling my cock to near bursting.
I might have survived unscathed if she'd stopped and let me do my thing. But she didn't. Her want-glazed eyes locked onto my waistband where the head of my cock was fighting the good fight for freedom."

Fix You -- Christine Bell

Is nothing sacred, Morgan? Is nothing sacred???

"He stepped out of his pants and stood there hairy and naked, like a sexy Big Foot, like a hot Harry from Harry and the Henderson's."

Project Shifter -- Morgan Kessler

P.S. The movie title is misspelled by the author, not Uncle Walter. Uncle Walter would never make a mistake about Harry and the Hendersons.

She was all churned up by his Country Cock

"'Clippy's eyes whirred shut with pleasure. Curled like that, he looked like a giant letter C.
As she spurted lady-butter all over Clippy, she briefly remembered her mission to find more letters and figure out what he was."

Conquered by Clippy -- Leonard Delaney