Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Quotes

It brought Archduke of Testicle and Viscount de Scrotum to see Lady Labia

"This was the emperor of all penises. King Penis."

Reader submission by kittyphoe
Uncle Walter is not responsible for the accuracy of reader submissions. In other words, if it's wrong, it ain't his fault!

Private Pleasures -- Bertrice Small

"Lie to me, Pinnochio! Lie to me!"

"As his senses screamed for penetration, he felt a thick wooden tendril creeping between his arse cheeks toward his entrance. He gasped, then bit his lip. Goddess, he wanted this… this beast… this spirit… this damned oak inside him."

Reader submission by vegetablerightsandpeace
Uncle Walter is not responsible for the accuracy of reader submissions. In other words, if it's wrong, it ain't his fault!

Bound to the Beast -- Kay Berrisford

They're all over me, they're inside of me, can't get 'em offa me, I'm covered with ... microscopic bacteria

"I can't get you out of my head, from under my skin. Because every time I see you, my heart kicks in my chest."

Reader submission by MissBookQueen
Uncle Walter is not responsible for the accuracy of reader submissions. In other words, if it's wrong, it ain't his fault!

Midnight Bayou -- Nora Roberts

Like something ate a big bowl of beans before it crawled up in her and died.

"Going into the bathroom at the house was always a struggle after Montana had been in there because that scent left too vivid a picture in his mind to relax with."

Reader submission by Sara Winters
Uncle Walter owns this book and has verified the accuracy of this submission.

The Midwife's Little Miracle -- Fiona McArthur

Uncle Walter Must Die: Otherwise known as "Why are You So Meeeeeeean?!?!?!"

Most people go through their whole lives without engendering such hateful feelings in other people that they receive death wishes. For Uncle Walter, a fairly light-hearted man who likes to laugh and poke fun at the absurd, hateful feelings and death wishes are part of an average day in Romance Land.

Although that Dyson guy he picked up in the men's room last week had better suction

"She went down on his cock as if she had “Hoover” stamped across her forehead."

Reader submission by Ashley
Uncle Walter is not responsible for the accuracy of reader submissions.  In other words, if it's wrong, it ain't his fault!

The Werewolf Upstairs -- Ashlyn Chase

No wonder there's so much money in cancer research

"They were fucking like the cure for cancer was buried deep inside her pussy and he was on a quest to find it."

Reader submission by Jonasvaginascenerios
Uncle Walter is not responsible for the accuracy of reader submissions.  In other words, if it's wrong, it ain't his fault!

Jokers Wild: Call Me  - Lena Matthews

Reader submission by Karla
Uncle Walter is not responsible for the accuracy of reader submissions.  In other words, if it's wrong, it ain't his fault!

It takes a village to fill her vagina. That woman is not easy to please... from a logistical standpoint.

"An instant later, she was tumbling wildly on the bed, jerking convulsively with each new bolt of delight that seared her awareness. It seemed as if a hundred lovers were crammed inside her while a hundred more fought to possess her; all squeezing, fondling, stroking, slapping, and kissing the sweat-oiled body pinned beneath them."

Reader submission by Karla
Uncle Walter is not responsible for the accuracy of reader submissions.  In other words, if it's wrong, it ain't his fault!

The Barbary Bride - Melissa Masters

We're going to have to end this soon, I suppose...

Enter our caption contest!  Yeah, we know we have to end it eventually, but we want just the right submission.  You can do it, guys!

Please?

Uncle Walter, Guest Blogger extraordinaire!

We recently visited at Oh Get A Grip!, a great blog run by six authors of sexy books.  Uncle Walter was given the honor of contributing to their weekly topic, Constructive Criticism.

Are we mean?  Are we unfair, targeting talented authors whose only "crime" is writing in a manner that is expected within the genre?  Do we cruelly parody the hard work of decent writers?  Are we ridiculing dedicated authors who deserve to be treated with kindness and respect?

Uncle Walter addresses these concerns and explains a bit about the founding of the sites.  Be sure to read the comments and share your own!  We want to know what you think.

Oh, and enter our caption contest!  Yeah, we know we have to end it eventually, but we want just the right submission.  You can do it, guys!