Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Quotes

That's not how nipples work. They've completely forgotten how to nipple.

"Her nipple burned through the thin silk and teased his palm with an unspoken promise."

The Pirate & The Puritan -- Cheryl Howe

We get it. So did Andrew Lloyd Webber's attorneys.

"When he couldn't stand the torture she was inflicting a moment longer, he removed her hands and placed the tumescent tip of his shaft at her opening; while his hands massaged her breasts, his fingers pulled at the taut nipples. Slowly, he eased into her tightness, reveling in her low moan of pleasure.
'Oh God, James!' she cried out, taking him full within her. Every nerve ending in her body was on fire. Her heart pounded loud in her ears and her blood pulsed in rhythm to his throbbing organ.
The darkness heightened every sensation, every stroke, every kiss, every touch of his hands.
Harder and harder he pumped until Danielle grew taut and her insides expanded. With one final, hard thrust, he took her over the edge of her passion and she exploded in a shattering climax."

Phantom Lover -- Millie Criswell

How do word? Word are hard. What grammar? Grammar are hard.

"Then he flips me to cup one cheek of my ass, slapping the other one vigorously, but it doesn't hurt me. 'Oh, I see that you've 'practiced' your spanking before, dirty young man."

"Titillations and waves of bliss are spreading in me."

"He puts one finger between my cheeks and plays with my back button, rubbing his finger on it gently."

"My vagina is stretching of pleasure, soaking his hand."

"My holes are in paradise right now."

"He growls of pleasure."

"You know, it's an exploit that I didn't come yet because you're fucking hot."

"Ethan! I'm already in love with your cock! Are you aware of how big it is?"

"I pull down his boxers and rub my hands on his stick. He moans and bends his head backward, an invitation to bite him in the neck, which I do."

"'Are you ready for a rocky trip in Heaven?' I ask him."

"I pull my tongue out and start licking the head of his penis."

"Did I mention that sucking a man's cherry is one of my preferred 'activities?'"

"I lick his succulent pole, and as my tongue and lips travel along his shaft, he purrs."

"I slowly and gently swallow his long cock until my mouth can't go further, reaching the base."

"He looks down on me, visibly impressed by my ability to eat his huge shaft."

"I caress his big balls with one hand. They feel very hard, full of his manly cream. I will soon relief them of this tension to enjoy all the precious juice they are holding. He shivers to the chills of my mouth sucking his beautiful cock, going up and down. I sometimes remove my mouth to play with the tip of my tongue on the head."

"I could cry out already, but I will keep that for later."

"He enters a finger into my wet slit, sliding it in and out."

"I can't believe how 'talented' he is!
'You're very good! You know that?' I say.
'I don't know, but that's good news!'"

"Then he licks my love bud eagerly and slips another finger into my front door."

"At the same time, he plays gently with my back button, using his other hand. He keeps sliding his fingers in and out of my wet and warm pussy, licking my clit gorged with blood and presses his tongue harder on it."

"He gradually accelerates the pace of his fingers coming in and out, in and out, in and -- until the fantastic explosion of pleasure in my womb spreads fast in my whole body, electrifying every inch of my flesh and skin."

"Then, he removes his fingers to devour my pussy, making sure that he doesn't miss one drop of my precious juice."

"He redresses his head."

"I pass a hand on my wet and warm pussy that is still quivering of pleasure."

"His crotch is right in front of my head, his big erected cock is pointing at me."

"He lets out a deep and long growl, and starts bouncing his hips back and forth to better control the magical trip of his manhood in my mouth. I didn't know that I could open up my jaws that much!"

"I play with his balls to enhance his pleasure.
'You can press harder' He says.
I press harder and leave his cock for a moment to pass my tongue on his testicles."

"I keep licking and pressing his balls while rubbing his penis with one hand. After a few seconds, I go back to his delicious wand."

"We look at each other while he's bouncing his hips quickly. He grabs my long hair with his hands and holds them like a pony-tail, then he starts controlling the moves of my head gently."

"He looks like a warrior, strong and dominant, who doesn't fear to take what's his."

"Then he removes his cock.
'Again!' I say provocatively.
'Your wish is your command, lady!'
He dives his penis back into my mouth."

"He presses my nipples, they get harder instantly, and my pussy soaks his bed again."

"I feel that he's about to expel his juice very soon."

"He moans, accelerates his move, slows down, remains still for a few seconds and... shouts out a triumphant guttural scream. And I feel it. I startle, surprised by the sudden projection of his hot and sweet juice in my mouth."

"When the head pops out, a generous amount of thick cum falls on my breasts. How much of this precious liquid can he store in his balls? I'm impressed! My breasts are covered with his white cream."

Chasing the Young Soldier -- Stella Hartman

P.S. Spelling, grammatical, and nonsensical errors are that of the author, not Uncle Walter

There are probably less sexy similes. Can't think of any, but there probably are.

"I shimmy to the left and right, shaking my boobs like Jell-O Jigglers."

Against the Wall -- Julie Prestsater

In which we reached a new, more horrifying low...

"The added stimulant of his tongue writhing against her flesh spiraled a jolt of pleasure straight to clit. A hot rush of wetness surged against the cotton barrier she no longer wanted."
Can tongues writhe?

"She teased the outline of his thick, heavily-veined cock with one fingernail, much as she had his inseam. Her thumb traced circles along its angled, purple head, scorching hot and irresistibly downy, before taking its full length in her grasp and tugging it closer."*
*He is still wearing underwear at this point in the scene.

"He brought his enormous hand to join the endeavor, cupping her breast and reshaping its weight with care before drawing it into the fire of his mouth."
What shape were they? What shape are they now?

"She took hold of his dick through the strain of cotton. Unsatisfied by the obstruction, she skimmed his waistband and delved inside to the volcanic heat beneath."
See? Underwear. Also, volcanic.

"She arched her hips higher, her need reaching for him, begging him for more -- a touch, a tongue, so much more. And as if her not-so-silent plea and her insistent movement had conveyed its intended message, Damain** swept aside the cotton crotch of her panties and devoured her."
**Author has literally misspelled the male character's name. Twice. ("Michael Paulson, known as Paulson to the men he served with, often stood by Damain's side when his subconscious mind insisted on replaying the warehouse scene.")

"Alexa nearly vaulted off the bed with the ferocity of her tremors. She lost the capacity of speech beyond moans, grip beyond that of his glorious dark hair, and modesty beyond that of the complete and unapologetic spread of her thighs to invite him deeper, fuller, with more abandon than she had ever displayed to anyone."
Judges give a solid 8. She lost points because of her modesty. Or lack thereof. 

"Where his tongue had probed her saturated channel, his fingers resumed -- one, maybe three, and a thumb, alternately filling her and working a magic against her folds that threatened to bring her to the brink."
One, three, same thing, right? And grammar is hard.

"He tasted like soap and musk and everything she imagined after his morning run, entirely addicting, infinitely erotic."
In other words, disgusting.

"His big toe skimmed her inner thigh and entered the flood between her legs, stroking a determined, heavy rhythm against the needles of unbearable ecstasy coursing through her spread folds."
Toe sex. That's what we've come to. Needles of toe sex ecstasy.

"She didn't anticipate the grind of her already-pulsing lips against his rock-hard penis would trigger convulsions that erased the room, the danger, everything but the beautiful man before her, begging for more."
Pulsing.

"His hands clenched her hips and he guided her closer, closer, until her wetness directed him perfectly in place."
Like a crossing guard.

"Damian moved inside her, drawing her out slowly before pulling her back in. But even Alexa's dominant display of control was no longer enough. He couldn't pull deep enough, far enough for her liking, and when she whispered a desperate plea against his ear to lodge a complaint, he gripped her hips and swapped position, hooking her left knee over his bent arm for maximum penetration."
Wait. Wait. Who, exactly, is fucking whom?

"Alexa turned on her stomach and pushed herself up, her back and wiggling her clit close to his groin, all but begging for him to enter her from behind."
A prehensile clitoris. That's a new one.

"His hands roamed the curve of her hips and grasped her flank, holding her in place as he thrust into her. Alexa clung to the headboard, gasping and panting. His hands clutched her gyrating breasts, and he commenced to roll the diamond flesh of her nipples until she silently pleaded for release but begged outwardly for more."
Does she have prehensile breasts as well?

"The heat of his hooked arm embedded between her bouncing breasts and pressed her back. Slow was no longer the program for the evening. Flesh slapped flesh as their love making degenerated to something carnal and base, something Alexa had yearned for the entirety of their charged acquaintance." 
First gyrating, now bouncing. These are very active breasts.

"All she knew was that every provocative  and weakly-assembled challenge uttered from her shameless mouth caused him to drive deeper into her undulating hips, caused the pressure from inside her to mount, as if it was possible for him to grow harder and longer, by degrees, than he already was."
This author should be banned from using adjectives. And verbs. And nouns.

"She went rigid against him, her pleasure peaking and spilling out alternately, filling her with wave after wave of white-hot gratification."
Peaking, spilling, and filling. That's a lot of work for an intangible sensation.

In Safe Hands -- Leslie North

(Typos and grammatical errors are that of the author, not Uncle Walter.)

Is she even human? Because she doesn't sound human...

"'Look,' he said. 'Look at yourself, your flower, in the mirror.'
Suddenly, inexplicably, Margot was afraid. She was not sure she could look. Remy cupped her breasts, pinched her nipples, and the familiar twinge of pleasure sprang forth deep inside her, flushing her vulva with moistness. Remy reached down and slid a finger between her pussy lips, rubbing up and down, barely touching the opening of her vagina, making her breath catch in her throat. In her hand she clutched the lion dildo so hard her knuckles were white. Remy pushed her legs apart further, and reached up kneading and rolling her nipples between his fingers. 'Look!' he commanded, and Margot snapped her eyes open and looked into the mirror.
Her pussy was red and lavender and swollen and pulsing. She could see the sucking motion it made, wanting to be filled. It was violent and gentle and beautiful like Remy's painting. She gasped, staring at it, at the self she'd never known.
Remy reached down gently and took the hand that held the lion. 'Don't look away,' he said in her ear, and he guided her hand, guided the lion's head toward her swollen, wanting pussy. He lightly rubbed the ridges of the carved head of the dildo over her stiff clitoris, making her vagina quiver like a mouth that wanted to suck.
Margo was mesmerized at the sight of herself. She began to work the dildo between her pussy lips, the mane and face of the lion becoming slick and milky with her honey. Remy reached up and pinched both nipples hard, causing a gasping shudder deep inside Margot, and she plunged the dildo deep in her pussy, watching in the mirror as the lion's head disappeared deep inside her again and again and again, her nipples taut and huge and stiff, full of painful pleasure as Remy rolled and pinched them between his fingernails.
He was working himself against her back, his cum lubricating the skin between them, and she felt the head of his cock slide up and down the knobs of her vertebrae. She pushed the yellow-wood deeper, deeper, twisting it against her clit and Remy pressed down, pinching both nipples so hard between his fingers that they burned with fire, and she watched as she came, spilling sticky, sparkling fluid out onto her hands, Remy shooting hot wetness against her, bathing each other in their sweetness."

Open Market Desire -- Monica Austin (The Heat)

Is it just the one, over just the one nipple? Exactly how many birds were involved here?

"Jane tweaked his brown nipple in its nest of dark hair."

A Trashy Affair -- Lynn Shurr

This is going to end in disappointment for at least one of them.

"Every man I met zeroed in on my boobs like a baby wanting milk. There was no milk, but I never minded them trying."

Hunting for Love -- Jodie Springer

Hunting for Love is no longer available at Amazon so here's an ad for small game hunting.  Same thing right?

Very hot and awfully wet

"His eyes burned over her skin, lingering on her breasts until her nipples tightened to hard little points that ached for his touch. Then lower, so a fire coiled in her belly, and moist heat welled up between her clenched thighs."

Break Out -- Nina Croft

"You know, I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies..."

"Her nipples were perhaps the most erogenous places on her body."

High Octane -- Lisa Renee Jones