Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Quotes

Like the firm handshake of a closed business deal... with a contract killer.

"I clamped my muscles down on him, squeezing his manhood as hard as I could as he grunted and flooded me with his hot seed."

Sweet Submission: Paying Her Dues -- Eve Singer

Frankencock? No. Count Cockula.

"He was on me then, like the prowling jungle cat he was pinned me to the rug and slid his monstrosity in my tight pussy."

Mated by the Alpha Billionaire -- Riley Moreno

He went to the William Shatner school of seduction

"He pushed her light brown locks back from her sweat-dampened forehead and stared deeply into her eyes as he fucked her. 'You...are...so...good!' he breathed raggedly.

Flight School Romance -- R.P. James

Does he have an inner goddess, too?

"Inside he was doing the happy dance in those ducky boxers."

Guarding the Billionaire  -- Jenny Devall

Are muthafuckas known for their moisture content?

"She leaned forward to kiss the tip of my nose and brush those perfect titties against my chest. I reached out, squeezed and pinched her nipples until they were the size and feel of marbles.
'Oooh, shit, baby. Bite them.'
She didn't have to ask me twice. I bent my head and sucked those babies into my mouth and fuckin' went to town. Sabrina gasped, moaned, and squirmed. Fuck, it felt like old times. I finally eased her back onto the couch, dipped my hand down in between her legs, and found her pussy wetter than a muthafucka. My dick was so hard it was about to poke a hole in the couch."

Slippin' -- De'nesha Diamond (Heartbreaker)

Was it Matt Damon? We bet it was Matt Damon.

"Her vision blurred until she slumped forward on one elbow with her upraised rump receiving the brunt of his final strokes. His name was the only sound she could make. The only word she knew."

Saved by the Dragon -- Vivienne Savage

Who the hell speaks that way? No one. No one speaks that way.

"'Oh Jesus! Get me off. I'm so close to cumming I think I'll implode if I don't explode soon. You've got my balls making so much cream and sending my brain messages of urgency.'
Mr. Trathan teased a little longer and then went for the cum explosion. It was more violent than he anticipated and more than he could consume. Gobs of cum oozed from his lips and dribbled down his chin."

Larry Weston: Complete and Uncut -- Duncan More

Someone call the exorcist. Yeah, he's doing it again.

"She shook violently as her orgasm hit her, forcing her to cry out and claw at his back and buttocks. Rogan came alive , taking joy in the sensation of being in love again, his mind and body as one. He groaned out aloud as he released days of stress and anguish, letting his body levitate into a state of ethereal bliss."

Choosing Hearts -- Diana Quippley

P.S. Formatting and grammatical issues are those of the author, not Uncle Walter.

If it's that bored, you're doing it wrong

"A nudge of intensity flushes through me, causing my clit to wake up, yawn, and stretch."

Indecent Cravings -- S.K. Cross

It's like his dick is a drunk Lucifer, luring her out of the garden with a pack of gum. Or something.

"Eden wriggled back against him, her body shouting demands for which her discombobulated mind could not find words.
Finally, one word staggered through the haze of her mind and reached her mouth. 'More!' she panted.
Jansen's smile was predatory, victorious, as he plunged into his garden with gusto, alternating between fast and slow, and side to side. 'Is this what you want, baby?'
Eden moaned.
'Is this what you need, Eden?'
'Yes,' she managed between gasps and groans.
He reached a hand around and fingered her paradise, doubling her pleasure. A light sheen of sweat broke out all over Eden's body, mixing with the moisture that made Jansen's body shine. The mating dance went on for over an hour, each partner taking and giving equally, wanting to please and to be consumed. By the time they mutually reached their last pinnacle of lovemaking, and called out each other's names. Jansen knew he'd protect Eden with his very life, and Eden knew...she was in love."

Lovin' Blue -- Zuri Day