Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Quotes

Like a tiny bed and breakfast nestled in a little curly forest.

"She took his hand into hers and led it to the sweet nectar between her thighs where she was hot and wet and ready for him. 'Come inside, my sweet, where it is warm and inviting,' she whispered."

Master of Desire -- Kinley MacGregor

How do word? Word are hard. What grammar? Grammar are hard.

"Then he flips me to cup one cheek of my ass, slapping the other one vigorously, but it doesn't hurt me. 'Oh, I see that you've 'practiced' your spanking before, dirty young man."

"Titillations and waves of bliss are spreading in me."

"He puts one finger between my cheeks and plays with my back button, rubbing his finger on it gently."

"My vagina is stretching of pleasure, soaking his hand."

"My holes are in paradise right now."

"He growls of pleasure."

"You know, it's an exploit that I didn't come yet because you're fucking hot."

"Ethan! I'm already in love with your cock! Are you aware of how big it is?"

"I pull down his boxers and rub my hands on his stick. He moans and bends his head backward, an invitation to bite him in the neck, which I do."

"'Are you ready for a rocky trip in Heaven?' I ask him."

"I pull my tongue out and start licking the head of his penis."

"Did I mention that sucking a man's cherry is one of my preferred 'activities?'"

"I lick his succulent pole, and as my tongue and lips travel along his shaft, he purrs."

"I slowly and gently swallow his long cock until my mouth can't go further, reaching the base."

"He looks down on me, visibly impressed by my ability to eat his huge shaft."

"I caress his big balls with one hand. They feel very hard, full of his manly cream. I will soon relief them of this tension to enjoy all the precious juice they are holding. He shivers to the chills of my mouth sucking his beautiful cock, going up and down. I sometimes remove my mouth to play with the tip of my tongue on the head."

"I could cry out already, but I will keep that for later."

"He enters a finger into my wet slit, sliding it in and out."

"I can't believe how 'talented' he is!
'You're very good! You know that?' I say.
'I don't know, but that's good news!'"

"Then he licks my love bud eagerly and slips another finger into my front door."

"At the same time, he plays gently with my back button, using his other hand. He keeps sliding his fingers in and out of my wet and warm pussy, licking my clit gorged with blood and presses his tongue harder on it."

"He gradually accelerates the pace of his fingers coming in and out, in and out, in and -- until the fantastic explosion of pleasure in my womb spreads fast in my whole body, electrifying every inch of my flesh and skin."

"Then, he removes his fingers to devour my pussy, making sure that he doesn't miss one drop of my precious juice."

"He redresses his head."

"I pass a hand on my wet and warm pussy that is still quivering of pleasure."

"His crotch is right in front of my head, his big erected cock is pointing at me."

"He lets out a deep and long growl, and starts bouncing his hips back and forth to better control the magical trip of his manhood in my mouth. I didn't know that I could open up my jaws that much!"

"I play with his balls to enhance his pleasure.
'You can press harder' He says.
I press harder and leave his cock for a moment to pass my tongue on his testicles."

"I keep licking and pressing his balls while rubbing his penis with one hand. After a few seconds, I go back to his delicious wand."

"We look at each other while he's bouncing his hips quickly. He grabs my long hair with his hands and holds them like a pony-tail, then he starts controlling the moves of my head gently."

"He looks like a warrior, strong and dominant, who doesn't fear to take what's his."

"Then he removes his cock.
'Again!' I say provocatively.
'Your wish is your command, lady!'
He dives his penis back into my mouth."

"He presses my nipples, they get harder instantly, and my pussy soaks his bed again."

"I feel that he's about to expel his juice very soon."

"He moans, accelerates his move, slows down, remains still for a few seconds and... shouts out a triumphant guttural scream. And I feel it. I startle, surprised by the sudden projection of his hot and sweet juice in my mouth."

"When the head pops out, a generous amount of thick cum falls on my breasts. How much of this precious liquid can he store in his balls? I'm impressed! My breasts are covered with his white cream."

Chasing the Young Soldier -- Stella Hartman

P.S. Spelling, grammatical, and nonsensical errors are that of the author, not Uncle Walter

In which we reached a new, more horrifying low...

"The added stimulant of his tongue writhing against her flesh spiraled a jolt of pleasure straight to clit. A hot rush of wetness surged against the cotton barrier she no longer wanted."
Can tongues writhe?

"She teased the outline of his thick, heavily-veined cock with one fingernail, much as she had his inseam. Her thumb traced circles along its angled, purple head, scorching hot and irresistibly downy, before taking its full length in her grasp and tugging it closer."*
*He is still wearing underwear at this point in the scene.

"He brought his enormous hand to join the endeavor, cupping her breast and reshaping its weight with care before drawing it into the fire of his mouth."
What shape were they? What shape are they now?

"She took hold of his dick through the strain of cotton. Unsatisfied by the obstruction, she skimmed his waistband and delved inside to the volcanic heat beneath."
See? Underwear. Also, volcanic.

"She arched her hips higher, her need reaching for him, begging him for more -- a touch, a tongue, so much more. And as if her not-so-silent plea and her insistent movement had conveyed its intended message, Damain** swept aside the cotton crotch of her panties and devoured her."
**Author has literally misspelled the male character's name. Twice. ("Michael Paulson, known as Paulson to the men he served with, often stood by Damain's side when his subconscious mind insisted on replaying the warehouse scene.")

"Alexa nearly vaulted off the bed with the ferocity of her tremors. She lost the capacity of speech beyond moans, grip beyond that of his glorious dark hair, and modesty beyond that of the complete and unapologetic spread of her thighs to invite him deeper, fuller, with more abandon than she had ever displayed to anyone."
Judges give a solid 8. She lost points because of her modesty. Or lack thereof. 

"Where his tongue had probed her saturated channel, his fingers resumed -- one, maybe three, and a thumb, alternately filling her and working a magic against her folds that threatened to bring her to the brink."
One, three, same thing, right? And grammar is hard.

"He tasted like soap and musk and everything she imagined after his morning run, entirely addicting, infinitely erotic."
In other words, disgusting.

"His big toe skimmed her inner thigh and entered the flood between her legs, stroking a determined, heavy rhythm against the needles of unbearable ecstasy coursing through her spread folds."
Toe sex. That's what we've come to. Needles of toe sex ecstasy.

"She didn't anticipate the grind of her already-pulsing lips against his rock-hard penis would trigger convulsions that erased the room, the danger, everything but the beautiful man before her, begging for more."
Pulsing.

"His hands clenched her hips and he guided her closer, closer, until her wetness directed him perfectly in place."
Like a crossing guard.

"Damian moved inside her, drawing her out slowly before pulling her back in. But even Alexa's dominant display of control was no longer enough. He couldn't pull deep enough, far enough for her liking, and when she whispered a desperate plea against his ear to lodge a complaint, he gripped her hips and swapped position, hooking her left knee over his bent arm for maximum penetration."
Wait. Wait. Who, exactly, is fucking whom?

"Alexa turned on her stomach and pushed herself up, her back and wiggling her clit close to his groin, all but begging for him to enter her from behind."
A prehensile clitoris. That's a new one.

"His hands roamed the curve of her hips and grasped her flank, holding her in place as he thrust into her. Alexa clung to the headboard, gasping and panting. His hands clutched her gyrating breasts, and he commenced to roll the diamond flesh of her nipples until she silently pleaded for release but begged outwardly for more."
Does she have prehensile breasts as well?

"The heat of his hooked arm embedded between her bouncing breasts and pressed her back. Slow was no longer the program for the evening. Flesh slapped flesh as their love making degenerated to something carnal and base, something Alexa had yearned for the entirety of their charged acquaintance." 
First gyrating, now bouncing. These are very active breasts.

"All she knew was that every provocative  and weakly-assembled challenge uttered from her shameless mouth caused him to drive deeper into her undulating hips, caused the pressure from inside her to mount, as if it was possible for him to grow harder and longer, by degrees, than he already was."
This author should be banned from using adjectives. And verbs. And nouns.

"She went rigid against him, her pleasure peaking and spilling out alternately, filling her with wave after wave of white-hot gratification."
Peaking, spilling, and filling. That's a lot of work for an intangible sensation.

In Safe Hands -- Leslie North

(Typos and grammatical errors are that of the author, not Uncle Walter.)

Is it just the one, over just the one nipple? Exactly how many birds were involved here?

"Jane tweaked his brown nipple in its nest of dark hair."

A Trashy Affair -- Lynn Shurr

If we had to choose just one thing... curlicues.

"Ignoring his whispering instincts, Hugo bent over Leah's nude body and spread her legs wide with avid hands. He kissed the inside of her knee and traced curlicues of desire up to her wedge of blonde fluff with his eager tongue. She woke and roused a little. Plump hands attempted to cover herself, but he held them away and soothed her modesty with an immodest kiss.
Her petals were wet and her lower lips were dripping. He parted her with his fingers and lapped up her sweetness. Her fingers drove into his hair and gripped hard. Her breathing turned to panting as his tongue rekindled his ardent girl's desires. He had to hold her thighs still as she threatened to buck his lips off her delicious garden.
He found her own priceless pearl, a hard and straining nub in the midst of her swollen petals."

Dragon's Treasure -- Isadora Montrose

 

Not to play into stereotypes but if he's that concerned with styling your hair he may not be all that into the sex part.

"He smiled down at her as he made sure to pat down her sex hair."

Bearllionaire -- Sky Publishing (Scent of Seduction)

Even the title is all jacked up

"Leslie turned to evade his outstretched arms, but was brought up short when one of his hands tangled itself in the streaming strands of her hair.  She twisted about, the movement bringing a shooting pain to her head as his hold tightened.  'You’re hurting me,' she cried from between clenched teeth.
'Then don’t fight me,' he warned her."

Reader submission by theahole who noted that this is the love interest.
Uncle Walter cannot verify ownership of submissions, but he'll take your word for it.

 Love Has No Mercy -- Eleanor Woods

Anniversary SPREE: Sparkly Probing Rainbow Excretion Edition

"Each pull of his fingers delivered a torrent of liquid delight straight to her blood."

"Long and thickly veined, his penis pulsed against her palm, a steel rod wrapped in soft velvet."

"Hand leaving her breast, he changed his tactic to delving between her legs. His long fingers slipped between the honeyed folds of her labia. A tip dipped into her creamy depth."

"A waterfall of magical sensations flooded her nerves with each delicious caress."

"The first tight curls of orgasm began to weave around her spine, tying up and then tickling her senses with an invigorating delight."

"What you're doing is torture of an innocent pussy."

"Dakoda slipped her fingers into the cleft of his rear, inching her way into its warm depth. The tips of her fingers made tentative contact with his tight, puckered anus. She pressed against the tight ring, gently easing just the tip of a finger inside. 'Mmm, and heaven is just a sin away.' She pressed farther, working her finger into his wickedly tight channel."

"His fingers circled his erection, guiding the broad crown toward her damp slit. 'You drive a hell of a hard bargain,' he grated. 'I'm going to pound your cunt until you scream.'"

"'God,' she breathed. 'You're even bigger than before.'
Hands braced on either side of her, Jesse grinned down. 'And you're even tighter.' He flexed his hips in a circular, stirring motion. 'Damn. There isn't an inch of wiggle room in there. Taking you is like having a virgin... the ultimate pleasure.'
Dakoda laughed softly. 'A virgin, I am not.'"

"Instead of sweeping in and attacking with his tongue, he caught her bottom lip between her teeth, giving it a long, slow suck. His hips picked up a faster rhythm, grinding against hers in a manner that was more of a sensual waltz than a battering-ram assault.
Dakoda tightened her legs around his waist, willing to let him take all control and lead the dance. One thing was for sure: he had all the steps just right. All the bad things about the day began to mercifully fade away as their bodies moved together in perfect synchronicity, beginning an electrifying onslaught of carnal sensation. Lust boiled inside her like a pot left on the stove too long. Everything inside her felt deliciously molten."

"His tongue pressed for entry, sweeping in with long, stabbing strokes. Cock pulsing inside her, he began to deliver deep, punishing strokes that jarred her bones.
Gentleness was over. It was time to get down to the business of some serious fucking. He delivered thrust after punishing thrust. His balls slapped against her ass with each bone-jarring, breath-stealing stab."

"Wave after wave of hair spilled over his shoulders, a cascade of shiny black silk. Coils of glowing amber writhed in the depth of his gaze, sizzling with feral lust."

"'You may have had other men,' he growled, at the same time he delivered a vicious downward stab with his cock."

Soul of the Wildcat -- Devyn Quinn

It was her holiest of holy holes

"Her milky white skin glowed, shimmered, in the faint light. He drank in the sight of her flat belly, her full breasts tipped with small, pink buds that would taste so succulent.
As he reached out to touch her, his hand trembled, but his eyes fastened on the thatch of curls nestled and the juncture of her thighs. It was like staring at the gates of heaven."

"Gavin groaned and shot forward, wrapping his arms around her waist. If she touched him in such a manner again, he'd not last long enough to see what the inside of heaven looked like."

"Drifting closer and closer to that place just out of reach, she bit down on her lip and broke through the surface of the paradise that beckoned her."

"Gavin braced himself and, armored only in his lust and need for the woman beneath him, broke through those gates of heaven and sought desperately for the redemption he could only find there."

"He felt her maidenhead straining against him. He stilled himself, anxious to feel all of her completely, but just as anxious to cause her no unnecessary pain. Closing his eyes, he prayed for patience, but more so, he prayed for a painless, pleasurable experience for Nakkole. He nails bit into his shoulders, piercing his thoughts as a blade of grass might burst a bubble, and he focused on the need filling her eyes."

Destiny's Warrior -- Heather Waters

Is nothing sacred, Morgan? Is nothing sacred???

"He stepped out of his pants and stood there hairy and naked, like a sexy Big Foot, like a hot Harry from Harry and the Henderson's."

Project Shifter -- Morgan Kessler

P.S. The movie title is misspelled by the author, not Uncle Walter. Uncle Walter would never make a mistake about Harry and the Hendersons.