Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Quotes

We're not doctors or anything, but that doesn't seem normal

"Her pussy was not only soaking wet and hanging open, but it appeared swollen to John."

Splitting the Sitter -- Savannah Quivers

That's not pleasure, that's an anyeurism. Aaaand... she's dead.

"She felt her climax peak as a burst of pleasure exploded inside her head."

F*ck Buddy -- Lucia Jordan

God Save the Queen

"He brings his mouth to my neck and gently exhales along the skin below my ear. My organs wooze for England."

London Bound -- Amy Daws

That's called a tumor. And he should really get that looked at.

"He had a long, thick growth under his zipper."

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Mr. Perfect -- Linda Howard

Penis Parkinson's

"Sammie heard and saw how much he wanted her. His darkly flushed cock twitched and pulsed, straining to dive deep. Her body responded with hot honeyed slickness to welcome him, and fluttering muscles twitched low in her belly, wanting, wanting."

Resisting Nick (Wicked in Wellington) -- Kris Pearson

Unfortunately it was rusty and the only thing he got out of it was tetanus

"She'd thought she remembered everything about making love to Cutter, but she'd forgotten how intoxicating his touch was, forgotten how he made every inch of her body an erogenous playground."

Cowboy Commando -- Joanna Wayne

Shaken Man Syndrome can have serious and long-lasting effects

"She came, and the spasms of her body rocked him senseless."

Melting Into You -- Tracey Alvarez

His white dwarf found my black hole

"Gravity had me seated fully on him, and I couldn't have moved if I had tried."

Crash -- Drew Jordan

Soooo... a snorkel? Gills, maybe? A nasal cannula?

"She had her thighs pressed tightly together and he wondered idly what she'd say if he took the bottom of her bathing suit off and spent the rest of the night with his face buried between her legs. He didn't need to breath, he just needed to make her scream his name."

The One Night Stand -- Beatrice Gold

Sexual Salmonella

"God, I want him so bad. I'm dripping with need, aching for him to fill me. I rake my nails down his arms, extracting a low rumble from his chest.
Breaking the kiss, my tongue grazes his ear before I say huskily, 'I want to fuck you.'
He groans before pushing me up and tearing my pants off. I hastily pull his off as he reaches over and puts a condom on. I'm straddling him when he says, 'Then fuck me, Catherine.'
I slide down on him as he fills me to the brink. So fucking full. He's so deep his cock is hitting every nerve inside me. Jackson's eyes close and his head falls back against the couch. My hands grip his shoulders as I start to move.
'Your pussy feel so good.' His voice fills the room and he groans louder.
Every breath, every moan goes straight to my core.
Gripping my hips, he sets the pace. Raw passion spreads through me at the sweet friction of his bare skin against mine."

Beloved -- Corinne Michaels