Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Quotes

Brief hiatus from the blogs

The Uncle Walter family is participating in GISHWHES this year. We're in the home stretch and feeling the strain. We are so exhausted in fact, that we are taking a brief break from posting so as to focus on our many, many tasks.

You should feel free to look through our past posts (there are over 1,000!), leave some comments, or enter our Caption Contest.

Even better, you can support us by following @AlarmClockRRALS on Twitter! We need at least 200 followers by Sunday. It will only tweet once per day! In exchange you will have Uncle Walter and The Wife's eternal gratitude and it would be most incredibly abnosome!

Thank you for your understanding, and we'll see you on Monday!

- Uncle Walter

Caption Contest 2013!

"Then, she slips back in bed. I peek out, and just then her lips rub against mine. They felt like velvet toast."

Sextories -- Charles Miron

Rules: Come up with a caption. Something relatively short and pithy. It has to make both Uncle Walter and The Wife laugh. If only one makes us laugh, that one wins. If two or more make us laugh, we'll flip a coin or roll a twenty-sided die or something. Point is, if you caption this baby, we'll send you some books! That's right, we'll mail you a couple romance novels from our insanely large collection. Continental United States only, sorry, as overseas and international shipping are PsITAs. Deadline is August 31, 2013! You can enter by leaving a comment, sending us an email, or contacting us via tumblr or our Facebook pages.

Good luck!

Warning: Do not feed her blood to vampires under the age of 12 months

"He took her into his mouth, his tongue brushing gently until the peak was wet and tender-hard, and her veins were filled with simmering honey."

Secrets of a Summer Night -- Lisa Kleypas

Come and listen to a story 'bout a man named Uncle Walter...

...a poor blogger, barely keeping up with the daily demands of his fans.  Then one day, as he was hunting up a quote, he stumbled upon what he thought was a brilliant idea: a Caption Contest.  He would find a really, really bad quote and, rather than try to come up with something funny to say all by himself (okay, okay, fine, The Wife helps, too), he would give his wonderful readers a chance to participate in the process.  To win was simple: Uncle Walter or The Wife would have to laugh out loud, groan, or smack their respective foreheads.  If any of the above happened, the submission would be declared a winner and said winner would get some cool Uncle Walter stuff.  Simple enough, right?  Eh...  Not so much.  We did get some submissions, but nothing truly worthy of such awful prose:

"Her butt wiggled against the hardest erection he'd ever experienced, an erection so big King Kong could have climbed it holding Fay Wray in his palm.  Aaron could almost see an atomic blue glow coming from his balls, and it was a miracle the damned crystal flute didn't crack in his grip."

We've decided to give it one more shot.  If you can come up with a clever caption (clean, dirty, or anywhere in between), we'll post it, give you the credit, and send you some cool Uncle Walter merchandise!  Sound good?  Good.  So email your response to us, post it in our forum, or leave your submission as a comment.  Normally our captions are just a single header, but we're flexible.  Whatever it takes to get the funny accross!  If you think your reference might be too vague, feel free to provide a link to point us in the right direction.

You can do this!  We do it every single day, day in and day out (well, except for when we have no electricity and we get lazy).  Maybe we don't always hit it out of the park, but we've got faith that you all can do better!  Prove us right.

We're going to have to end this soon, I suppose...

Enter our caption contest!  Yeah, we know we have to end it eventually, but we want just the right submission.  You can do it, guys!

Please?

Uncle Walter, Guest Blogger extraordinaire!

We recently visited at Oh Get A Grip!, a great blog run by six authors of sexy books.  Uncle Walter was given the honor of contributing to their weekly topic, Constructive Criticism.

Are we mean?  Are we unfair, targeting talented authors whose only "crime" is writing in a manner that is expected within the genre?  Do we cruelly parody the hard work of decent writers?  Are we ridiculing dedicated authors who deserve to be treated with kindness and respect?

Uncle Walter addresses these concerns and explains a bit about the founding of the sites.  Be sure to read the comments and share your own!  We want to know what you think.

Oh, and enter our caption contest!  Yeah, we know we have to end it eventually, but we want just the right submission.  You can do it, guys!

Quote Caption Contest!

You know you want to enter!  Do it!  Do it NOW!

Quote Caption Contest!

We finally have a quote that we believe is worthy of being made into a Caption Contest!  (Drum Roll, Please!)

"Her butt wiggled against the hardest erection he'd ever experienced, an erection so big King Kong could have climbed it holding Fay Wray in his palm.  Aaron could almost see an atomic blue glow coming from his balls, and it was a miracle the damned crystal flute didn't crack in his grip."

It's your turn, dear readers!  Where will you go with it?  Will you be clean, dirty, or somewhere in between?  Will you be able to make Uncle Walter and The Wife laugh out loud, groan, or smack their respective foreheads?  We're sure you can do it!  And if you do?  You win some cool Uncle Walter stuff!  And if you don't want some Uncle Walter stuff, there's something seriously wrong with you.  So post your ideas in the comments section, email them to us, or make a post in our forum.  Enter as many times as you want.  Remember that quote captions are usually just a single header.  But, if you happen to think of something awesomely cool?  We're up for some variation.  Throw in a link if you're worried that we won't get a reference.  So flex those brain muscles of yours and blow us -- I mean, blow us away!