Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Quotes

Jesus was a woman???

"'Oh, Jesus, you're so wet,' he murmured against her lips."

Private Paradise -- Jami Alden

Ugh. And I thought he smelled bad on the outside.

"She breathed in the scent of him, and burrowed deeper into his chest."

The Wedding Trap -- Adrienne Bell

For people unclear on the concept

"He pressed her against the door, sandwiching her up there.
Slowly, relentlessly, he fucked her. In and out. In and out."

Against the Dark -- Carolyn Crane

"I'm gonna catch you, you better run! I'm gonna catch you, here I come!"

"Then, she screamed out loudly, his name echoing around the bar, and he chased her orgasm with his own, groaning as the pleasure ripped through him, tearing through every damn cell in his body, lighting him up with electricity."

First Night -- Lauren Blakely

He's not a very good doctor if he takes such poor care of his stethoscope

"The stethoscope around his neck fell and clattered against the floor as his other hand slid under my shirt and cupped my breast, the nipple pointing in the intense arousal that surrounded us.
He played with me, his finger gently rolling my tenderness, sending waves of immeasurable pleasure course through my veins."

Prescribed -- D.D. Parker

P.S. Grammatical errors belong to the author.

...And prune-textured

"She wet his cock with moisture from her mouth and spread it over him until she discovered the sac beneath. The skin was so delicately fabricated!"

Taming a Raven -- Kathleen Lash

Joust: Slimy & Wet Edition

"Their tongues sparred as his hands explored her naked body."

Chosen For Power -- Kathleen Brooks

SpongeBob Squarepants slash fiction

"I swirled my tongue over the head, tasting the pearl of pre-cum I'd seen glistening on the slit of the cap. The slightly bitter, salty taste of him covered my tongue not wholly unpleasant, as I painted the spongy head with long swipes of my tongue."

Meeting With the Auctioneer -- S.H. Stuart

P.S. That's totally a thing, BTW.

A Philae lander romance story

"He embraced her tightly again and forced his strong chest against her. She lay there, accepting his lovemaking, and suddenly the dark room began to go round and round in her head and she felt she was floating on air, being carried up by a tremendous wind or as if she had gripped the tail of a comet which carried her through the universe at a breakneck speed."

Dyke Haven -- Ralph Grant

We don't even know where to start with this one. So much ugh in so few sentences.

"He makes brutal demands on my clit, holding down my hip with the other hand as he powers up into me. His dick must not reach my throat, although it feels like it, 'cause I'm able to scream.
'Fill me, babe!' I beg, falling into his face. 'Mouth, kiss me. Kiss me 'til I'm empty.'"

Pretty Instinct -- S.E Hall