Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Quotes

Which one do you think it is?

"She watched in dawning horror as his lips moved nearer to the small thatch of red hair at the top of her thighs."

Lady Harriet's Unusual Reward -- Em Taylor

They're tired of being left out of all the fun

"My cock is hard and balls want to come."

Debt Inheritance -- Pepper Winters

Is he a masseuse? Because Spaceologists take this kind of thing seriously.

"His hand slipped down to her sex, parting the folds to find the swollen little strip of her clit. He rubbed it, eased himself out, coated his finger in their juices, and slammed back into her, then slathered the moisture on the nubbin of her desire."

SEAL's Honor -- Elle James

Don't put bees in your balls.

"Balls buzzing and gut clenching, he relished the velvety rasp of her tongue against his cock."

In Kelly's Corner -- Roxie Rivera

When god fucked up, he burned it. With fire.

"The first man, the man of mind, drowned in the hot lava of desire and was seared away."

The English Heiress -- Roberta Gellis

This is completely unbelievable. No one wears purple corduroy pants.

"Instead, he carefully he reached down and unzipped his purple corduroy pants as a fat cheesy snack schlong sprang out from between his legs and crumbs sprinkled over his pants.
My eyes widened at the wondrous and puffed flour flopper that was lightly toasted with orange powder and chiseled like the finest of porn star pocket puppets."

Cheesy Puff Came to Life and Pimped My Gay Ass -- Max Wood

Snow or not, it's time for some Spring Cleaning

"It's a fact that many a lipstick, cigarette lighter and indeed man has been lost between her cushiony breasts. If you had a rummage you'd probably find loose change and a remote control down there."

Divas Las Vegas -- Belinda Jones

The further evolution of man.

"I cross back over the yard as Keith stands, lifting end over end until he's towering above me like a giant silver dildo, blocking out the sun."

I'm Gay For My Living Billionaire Jet Plane -- Chuck Tingle

We were going to call them out on the use of the word "literally" but it actually seems to fit

"I was going insane. Literally insane with want. Desire was melting my brain and the only cure was to have him inside of me."

Sunrise Kisses -- Krista Lakes

The French do like cream on everything. Even themselves.

"'Fuck!' Rusty cried out as Gerard flew across the parking lot - powered by the firehose like ejaculation from the steel cock.
The naked Frenchman landed as the white hot tidal wave splashed down atop him, covering him from head to toe in sports car love goo."

A Billionaire Sportscar Came to Life and Made Me Gay!!! -- Max Wood