Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Quotes

Non Compos Femoris

"I mean, when I sink my cock between those insane thighs, I need to know you're not going to regret it afterward."

His Risk to Take -- Tessa Bailey

It's gonna be a bitch to explain those wounds at the ER

"As the first spurt of his blazing seed hit my belly, I followed him over the edge, tumbling head-first into the wicked sea of ecstasy with him."

In Kelly's Corner -- Roxie Rivera

Incredibly awkward encounters on Sesame Street

"He sat down first, then pulled her onto his lap, biting back a groan as her behind snuggled atop his monster hard-on."

Dangerous Secrets -- Abbie Zanders

That's probably just the meth

"The male scent of him was an aphrodisiac to her senses, drugging them with an erotic nectar."

Mistletoe And Molly -- Janet Dailey

Don't worry, I can fix that with a hot glue gun!

"But like Alexa, Liane had an exotic quality about her that pulled at him and made his cock so hard every time he looked at her he was afraid it would break off."

Hot Moon Rising -- Desiree Holt

It's times like these where we question our life choices.

"The Santa driving his sleigh into her cunt groaned and gave one final thrust. His hot Christmas spirit oozed from her pussy and dripped down her thighs. It felt slightly menthol, like she was filled with a piece of peppermint candy. The slight burning sensation drove her crazy. If someone could bottle that as a lube, it’d make a great Christmas present."

Santa Cock -- Jessica Vane & Katie Elle

P.S. Link is for another book by the same author.

Her womb's so battered you could deep fry it.

"Jesse's hips became a piston, slamming against her with deep, muscular flexes that drove his shaft as far as physically possible. His body collided with hers, each strike delivering a teeth-clattering jolt.
Pinned under his weight, Dakoda writhed helplessly, overwhelmed by the thrill. At the last moment, she arched up into him, taking a last body-shuddering slam.
Slamming down a final time, Jesse ground his hips against hers. Buried to the balls, his pulsing cock blasted liquid flame, filling her womb with a stream of hot semen.
Dakoda's senses shattered into a billion tiny pieces. Energy rushed through her like a current, far too fast for her brain cells to process all at once. Climax arrived in its wake, an uncontrolled explosion of sensation rushing down an endless tunnel. It felt as if her insides were slowly tying into knots, the searing pleasure as pure and bright as a roll of shiny new copper wiring. Arcs of multicolored lights spiraled behind her eyes, glowing all over, brighter and hotter than a star gone nova."

Soul of the Wildcat -- Devyn Quinn

There's dead lightning?

"The first damp stroke of his hot tongue felt like live lightning."

Morgan -- Lori Foster

We seem to have a problem with adjectives, analogies, and metaphors. Words in general.

"She was so damn beautiful, with her warm, burnished skin, her clear eyes and healthy curls. Her breasts, round and ripe as peaches, rose out of the black-embroidered taupe bra, her waist dipped in before flaring into womanly hips."

"She scratched her nails through his chest hair, gave his adorned nipple a whisk of her thumb and a cautious tug of his ring that had his cock ready to rumble."

"She went up in flames as if the fire between them had never been banked."

"Like a magpie after something sparkly, she reached for his butt."

"She sucked in a breath as a hot thrill zinged straight to ground zero and set off more of that clenching thing."

"She locked her thighs around his like a horny chihuahua, her hips subtly rocking her mound against its hardness."

"She studied him so avidly, she was surprised her ardent perusal didn't leave scorch marks in its wake as she ogled his wide shoulders and hard, lean abs, his big hands, bigger feet and long, hard legs."

"And immediately felt him bump against what could only be her G-spot. 'Omigawd!'"

"He swore, releasing her breast, and his hips began to piston in and out of her, picking up more speed and force with every propulsion."

"We've gotta get you yours, baby -- fast. Because, Houston, we're about to have lift off."

"'Omi--' Her climax hit her in hard, fast contractions. 'Omigawd, Max?' Then her ability to speak deserted her, and the only sound she could produce was a moan that kept growing higher and higher in pitch as she convulsed and convulsed and convulsed some more around him."

"An instant later he collapsed on her like a felled tree."

Some Like it Hot -- Susan Andersen

Swamp gasses are flammable.

"He shuddered against her, desire flaring in his groin and swamping his mind."

Witch Blood -- Anya Bast