Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Quotes

Reassuring, that ain't...

"It was stupid, and it made no sense. But I had a very good, honest relationship with my pussy, and she wasn't being quiet about what she wanted. I shifted a little, rubbing my leg against Corbin, and while the look in his eyes hardened, so did his cock.
'Fuck me,' I whispered. 'I promise not to kill you or anything.'"

Trapped by a Dangerous Man -- Cleo Peitsche

Is this supposed to be sex? Or home remodeling?

"The tip of his shaft pressed against her feminine doorway, and slowly, he pushed forward, muscles quivering, excitement racing along his nerve endings, anticipating the soft sink into her succulent folds."

The Cowboy and the Princess -- Lori Wilde

Written by someone who has never had access to, or even seen, a vagina.

"His fingers moved into the wet opening of her womanhood and one finger made its way into the hot, bubbling mound."

We Served in Silence -- Glenn K. Fannin Jr.

Someone was going to have to blow it out...

"Had the fire in his groin not been so fierce, he would have laughed."

Night Pleasures -- Sherrilyn Kenyon

It was his groinal geyser and it was ready to blow!

"Passion gushed up his spine; pleasure pooled in his balls."

Tempt Me With Darkness -- Shayla Black

This all sounds very, very messy.

"Trace drove deep.
She exploded with a release so hard and consuming that her whole body shuddered. A cry broke from her lips.
'Yes, hell, yes.' Trace found his own pleasure. A hot tide filled her as he came."

Mine to Take -- Cynthia Eden

Will trade cock for milk. Apparently.

"Her fingers drifted down to slipped under the waistband of his shorts. She didn't have to search much before her fingers connected with the warmth of his swollen member. She eagerly gripped at his hardening cock. 'Give this to me,' she said with half-lidded eyes as she began to stroke the flesh.
He groaned at the contact. 'All in good time,' he said as shivers went up his spine at her demands. A smirk formed on his face and he lowered his head onto one of her breasts, taking the flesh into his mouth and sucking on it. He quickly became drunk on his own lust at her sweet taste, and he sucked harder in an attempt to milk her with his mouth."

Just a Fling -- Olivia Noble

What it might metamorphose into is a mystery. But it will probably be hungry when it's done.

"As his body rocked in the ancient rhythm, he brought his hand down and touched the small place that, for now, was her core."

Butterfly -- Kathryn Harvey

It eventually burst. The resulting mess was fairly off-putting.

"The cool morning air gently teased his balls and they retracted slightly, drawing tight underneath his ever increasing cock."

Three Way by the Sea -- Jessica Vane

There are non sequiturs and there are non sequiturs and then there's just a heap of WTF.

"'I'm going to come any second. And I'm going to come in your mouth. That all right with you?'
She nodded and sucked harder, stroking him with her hand, all while keeping him far inside her delicious mouth. Then she grabbed his ass hard with her other hand, pulling him even closer as his orgasm tore through him, and she swallowed his release.
When he recovered the power of speech, he told her he needed a Purple Snow Globe.
Stat."

First Night -- Lauren Blakely