Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Quotes

And this is how romance novels give people unrealistic ideas about sex. Instant orgasm.

"She released her hold on his hair to assist, working her jeans down, stepping free of them as he spread her labia and worked his middle finger inside her.
She gasped and pressed against him as his finger located her G-spot. Morgan felt her come, flooding his hand, her body quivering, tightening then growing pliant as the wave subsided."

All in Time -- Ciana Stone

A penis is not the answer. A fire extinguisher might help, though.

"Desire curled within her abdomen like a fiery whirlpool. Every nerve in her body ached for Tedric to quell the heated core of her womanhood by filling her."

Knight's Caress -- Lynette Vinet

There are only so many times we should have to reference Dementors, but what else are we supposed to think?

"He had never been kissed like this before. It was as if Xan was trying to draw his soul out through his mouth. He explored the soft surface with his lips and when their tongues finally met, he thought he was going to explode."

Bonus:

"He pushed his hand into the exquisite man's pajama bottoms and gripped the magnificent cock in his fist."
So the pajama bottoms, which were for men, were exquisite, and also had a magnificent cock? Grammar it what is who needs?

Wrong Turn -- Taylor Law

Salsa; literally and figuratively

"Every once in a while he kisses me, soft kisses on the lips, before he lets his tongue dance with mine in a hungry embrace."

A Taste of Pearl -- Arianne Richmonde

Scrubbing Bubbles Intimate Cleanser, in new "musk" scent

"This is your pearl, your honey spot, your nubbin." I bucked at his touch, taking him deeper so that my pussy lips folded back and my female moisture bathed his groin."

The Journal of Lucy Quince -- Gem Sivad

That's not arousal. That's incontinence.

"Just the sound of his voice had her creaming her panties. And that was so not fair, because she still just hadn't gotten the hang of masturbation. She could get to a certain point, she'd get almost there, but only sometimes did she actually manage to go over.
She had all the books. And she practiced. There had to be a trick to it. And she really wished she could find that trick, because her neighbor made her so hot she was changing panties several times a day and driving herself crazy with arousal."

Cooper's Fall -- Lora Leigh

According to Supernatural, this would require sigils, a Latin incantation, and some fire. And now her vagina is possessed. Oh good.

"She moaned and gasped his name, then shattered beneath him, allowed herself to go, to enjoy what Merrick did to her... for her... was still doing to her, as he continued to love her with his fingers while his lips and tongue drained every tingle and contraction her body could summon."

To Sin with Scandal -- Tamara Gill

Like those butter commercials with the talking containers, only it was a penis, and a talking meatus, and this is all kind of gross. Should have gone with something about Batman.

"'I want you too, boy wonder,' Jay murmured. 'That sexy mind and gorgeous body... and that cock I see saying hello to me...'"

Meeting on Mars -- E. Davies

Two sentences; three different ways to say "wet"

"Liquid fire pooled between her lips, readying her for his thrusts.
Bypassing her aching bud, he slid through her moist folds, spreading her cream across her flesh."

Untamed Magick -- Eliza Gayle

Congratulations. You've proven you're bigger and stronger. And a rapey asshole.

"Maybe he needed to kiss her to wake her body up. And to ignite her into remembering.
She took advantage of his distraction, yanking her hands free to hit and push at him.
He grabbed her wrists to prevent he next hit and pinned them over her head. She kicked him in the shin, which stung, but she was the one that cried out, 'Ouch! What are you made of? Concrete?'
He lifted her along the wall by her wrists and wedged his thigh between her legs, using the weight of his body to restrain her. White-hot sensation tore through him the second he registered the damp heat between her thighs."

Forgotten in Darkness -- Zoe Forward