Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Quotes

So that's what sex with Buzz Lightyear is like...

"He began his rhythm, catching her up in his passion, taking her to ecstasy and beyond."

Weston's Lady -- Bobbi Smith

That's way more effective than a restraining order... and you get free barbeque

"She got the feeling she was being stalked without ever having left the bed.
She took his finger in her mouth and sucked it, and set him on fire."

Dragon Bound -- Thea Harrison

May the lightning of your glory be seen and the thunders of your onset heard from east to west, and be ye the avengers of noble blood!

"He'd have to tell her, but later. Not now, not when his seed hovered tight and ready inside his straining balls, eager to spurt forth within her in the hopes of creating life."

Fall Fury -- Jaci Burton

And this is what happens when you forgo technique for a land speed record

"She held him and let him use her body and cried when he surged deep inside her, releasing his passion but leaving hers unsatisfied. She knew what she was supposed to feel now and missed it, but she had given Peter some peace. He rolled over and slipped into a sound slumber."

Paper Moon -- Patricia Rice

Like firing a missile without a guidance system and just assuming that what you hit is actually a target.

"She would wince at the beseeching tone of her voice later. For now, all she could do was lie there, feeling the muscles of her pussy ripple, clench, and struggle to accept the flesh impaling it.
Little darts of sensation were racing over her body, detonating with trembling force in erogenous zones that she didn't know were erogenous zones." 

Nauti Nights -- Lora Leigh

She referred to her genitals (in the third person) in terms a tween would roll eyes at, three times. That's some gooooood writin'!

"Once I realized he wasn't going to shred Miss Puss, I got a lot more enthusiastic. It became a mountain I was determined to climb. It occurred to me that I might have to put a drawstring in poor Miss Puss when he got done with her, but I figured, what the hell? Miss Puss hadn't seen any action at all in so long she was raring to go."

Submission -- Kimberly Zant

Story time with The Wife

"He bunched her skirt to her waist. His brow rose, a laugh on his lips, 'Daffy duck undies? I'm a fan.'"

Okay, so, when The Girl was a toddler, she went everywhere with me out of necessity. She was a clever kid who walked and talked early, and that meant any minute out of our sight was a risk (maybe someday I'll tell the story about the Jim Beam chocolate). Anyway, she was in the bathroom with me one day. She stood in front of me, pointed straight at my crotch, and said "Quack Quack!" in an excited voice. This confused me. Greatly. She'd always been taught the appropriate terms for body parts, so referring to my genitals as a "quack quack" was both out of character and a bit disconcerting. I said as much to Uncle Walter. Our confusion was alleviated that same evening, however, as I undressed for bed. And realized that the panties I was wearing that day had a picture of a duck on the front. "Quack Quack" indeed. -- TW

Home For Christmas -- Dianne Castell (I'm Your Santa)

The tables are turned?

"Jane's movements had slowed though she still rode his body like a horse, stringing out his release to the nth degree."

Seducing Jane Porter -- Dominique Adair

   

Not sure if in love, or want to buy soap.

"She loved everything about him, the way he smelled, masculine, clean, invigorating. She savored the way he made her feel, the way he worked so lovingly, so leisurely on her body."

Promise Me Forever -- Connie Mason

Bad sex summed up in one sentence. That takes talent.

"Furiously, he pumped, forgetting technique in his effort to go for his personal land-speed record."

Drive Me Wild -- P.J. Mellor