Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Quotes

Unfortunately he was a flintlock travelling pistol and not a blunderbuss.

"Joy and triumph made her giddy. He did want her. He would never be able to deny it now. Not when his mouth plundered hers with such undisguised hunger. Not when he groaned as she parted her lips beneath his and met his exploring tongue with tentative sorties of her own. And certainly not when the ridge of his erection nudged her abdomen, as thick and hard as the barrel of the pistol he pressed against the small of her back."

The Lesson Plan -- Jackie Barbosa

She's talking about testicles. No, really. We're not joking.

"I don't love them, but they're endearing in a cute, wrinkly sort of way. I don't want to hurt them--you."

Running Wild -- Linda Howard

He was a big rock candy mountain. And she had a sweet tooth.

"She could climb him like a mountain. Could eat him up, one tasty bite at a time."

Lord of the Vampires -- Gena Showalter

Super Groom to the rescue! She'd used the SG signal -- lone woman in a wedding dress. Worked every time.

"'We need to fix this -- now.'
'How do you propose we do that?' she hissed.
'That bride --' he nodded toward Casey '-- is going to have a wedding.' He added grimly, 'Even if I have to marry her  myself.'"

Married By Mistake -- Abby Gaines

Milkmen try to retire, but the life always calls them back with the universal cry: "Moooo!"

"His breathing rasped higher in frustration as he was struck with the urge to ring her doorbell and give the woman a second orgasm the old-fashioned way."

Watch and Learn -- Stephanie Bond

Worse yet, there was Ranch Dressing. Fucking Ranch. Definitely should've gone with foreplay.

"Foreplay over salad. What in the hell had he been thinking? He could be in a suite at the Bellagio right this very second. Naked, buried deep inside the woman sitting across from him. Instead he was eating arugula."

Against the Odds -- Donna Kauffman

There is no definition by which "lathering" is the right word choice here, unless she's got something really funky going on

"His eyes met hers and were held, lost in the vivid passion flashing in her irises. Sliding his hands up her body, he watched the flicker of her pupils when his thumb and forefinger pinched the swollen nipples. The wetness lathering his cock as the pace quickened was his reward."

Curse of the Gargoyle -- Tara Nina

Temporal tongue shift, in which the present changes the past. Expect the unexpected -- before you expect to expect it to be unexpected.

"She'd kissed that sensuous mouth until her body quivered with delight six years ago."

Catering to the Italian Playboy -- Tamelia Tumlin

Suck Face, Galactus!

"On a little moan of desperation she surrendered herself, denying him nothing, offering him everything in a kiss that blotted out time, space, conscience...
What she couldn't say in words, she said with her lips, her hands. She was starving for him and would gorge herself on his mouth for as long as he allowed this mindless ecstasy to continue."

Second-Best Wife -- Rebecca Winters

We performed a very thorough and slightly awkward exam. There were no compound fractures.

"His skin was soft and slick in places, roughened by masculine hair in others, and everywhere it covered the bunch and flow of muscles, the hardness of bone."

Sky Keepers -- Jessica Andersen