Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Quotes

We were gonna say "Cum on Feel the Noize" but it's a high school band; it would totally be "We Will Rock You"

"Being close to Beau, however, made her insides feel as noisy as the percussion section in a high school band."

The Five-Minute Bride -- Leanne Banks

It really needed a hobby. Maybe it should take up painting.

"Taking the stairs two at a time, Dylan groaned in agony as his unfulfilled cock pulsated in pain."

Call Me: Joker's Wild -- Lena Matthews

There are only so many places those bottle rockets could go. And even fewer ways to aim them.

"'A drapery cord,' she told him, running her finger-tips down his bare chest, setting off small fireworks in his groin."

The Taming of the Rake -- Kasey Michaels

My loins are powerful! They are the genitals of a warrior!

"And, with that most ardent of threats, he proceeded to pull her hard up into the iron-thewed strength of his groin and thrust into her again and again as their excitement rose to dizzying, soul-searing heights."

Demon Prince -- Kathleen Morgan

No, we don't know what it is. We don't want to know what it is. We are frightened.

"She could also feel Falon's wetness upon her peebone."

Sexaholics -- Pynk

Unfortunately he cast Langlock and it just made things a bit awkward

"Her lips parted in eager anticipation of the magic spell his kiss would cast."

Prisoner of Passion -- Trudy Thompson

It was nearly harvest time in his Fruit of the Loom®

"More pleasing still was her pale, bare bottom pointed skyward as she bent to him, her full, red lips and talented tongue toying with his blossoming erection."

Written in the Stars -- Nan Ryan

Love Bots are sadly susceptible to EMPs

"Then pain had gone and all was movement into moist warm enfolding flesh, a thrusting into darkness, a struggle toward the light that was there, attainable, suddenly blazing, convulsing him in recurring waves of shock only to abandon him and leave him lying spent on top of her naked body."

The Ripening Time -- Catherine MacLeod & Alistair Mair

ALS is a horrible disease. And not in the least bit romantic.

"She half reared up from the bed, her hands scrabbling at his hair to get a hold and lift him away, but when her whole body was struck with piercing streams of the sweetest, toe-curling pleasure, she fell utterly limp, gasping incredulously as her entire nervous system seemed to clench and unclench with ecstatic delight."

Bride of his Choice -- Emma Darcy

Love your Penny-Farthing, but don't love your Penny Farthing. Rust's a bitch.

"In response his monster cock rose straight from his body, a tall and proud skyscraper. I put palms to pecs and straddled him, gingerly -- at that size it was like mounting a really tall bike." 

The Bite of Silence -- Mary Hughes