Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Quotes

Indiana Jones, DDM and the Raiders of the Loose Filling

"His explorations of the delicious caverns of her mouth were met with equal enthusiasm on her part."

A Touch of Greek -- Tina Folsom (Olympus #1)

P.S. Ignore the duplicate post. The Wife fell asleep early and UW apparently wasn't paying attention...

UW's "Gay" Edition: Rotten Romance is Created Equal

"Kent's usually impassive voice shook as his lean body jerked forward, cock impaled in soldier-throat to the root."

"He fucked his own mouth that way, fingers kneading hot sergeant ass-globes, hands pushing hips forward, cock driving in and out of his smacking lips."

"A geyser of spunk erupted from the spit-wet tool. The nut-cream rocketed out of the straining slit, landing on Randy's cheeks, chin, lips, nose, forehead, and helmet."

"He gulped for air, inhaling the rank stink of cum, and taking the opportunity to ram and twist his fingertip deep into the heated confines of his sergeant's palpitating asshole."

"You mean it, Sir? I can take a crack at your hot butt?"

"You want to get my hole ready for cock? Get munchin', Private."

"He buried his face in that deep butt valley, spreading it with his tanned hands, amber against cream. His stubbled cheeks rubbed against hairless flesh as he thrust his tongue out in search of officer hole. He found it."

"He slobbered all over the smooth crack, rubbing his dimpled chin in the goo, burying his big nose in the hairless valley and breathing in the scent."

"The spit-wet hole convulsed, oozing and dribbling."

"The broad helmet of his cock mashed against slippery butthole."

"He felt like his cock was thrusting between a heated vise. At first the officer's hole had parted and yielded to the drive of soldier tool, then it had seized with clamping asslips and churning gut-tunnel."

"He stared down at the pale skin, flushed and sweaty now, the crack pulled wide open, the pink hole oozing spit, the swollen rim pouting outward as his long shaft slowly withdrew, the flared helmet appearing to stretch open that tender buttmouth, then just as he almost withdrew, reversed direction and ever so steadily fed the purple meat right back in."

"Kent grunted as Randy's balls met his sweaty ass and the flared cock-helmet rooted deep inside him."

"His orgasm hit him like a kick to the nuts. He yanked his cock out of that churning fuck-hole and let loose. Randy's long pole jerked against the officer's white crack, the flared helmet spurting creamy spunk all over the sweaty mounds."

Between Shots Fired -- Jay Starre (Hot Rods)

It's all there, black and white, clear as crystal! You stole Fizzy Lifting drinks!

"Her satiny skin glowed in the candlelight, pale and fine, but her soft, luscious lips shot off an effervescent champagne-pop of desire that fizzed more sweetly in his veins than anything he'd felt since his adolescence, which had taken place, if he recalled correctly, some time during the Dark Ages."

Lord of Fire -- Gaelen Foley

Umm... Your guess is as good as ours.

"He thrust deeply, rapidly with his hard, exploding body while his tongue thrust deeply, rapidly in cadence with the other."

Cloudcastle -- Nan Ryan

Then, with an eager expression, he'd tell her "open wide, here comes the choo-choo!"

"The flickering light thrown by the candles in their room would advance like a sunrise into the dark tunnel between her thighs as she drew back the snug skirt."

Holding the Cards -- Joey W. Hill

Luckily she'd remembered her asbestos diaphragm

"His breath burning in his lungs, his loins on fire with his need to satisfy them both, guiding her down until he rested against her flowered opening."

Marry Me, Cowboy -- Peggy Moreland

Stan, have you ever had two Asian men pummel your balls right after you had sex with a questionably attractive older woman?

"He jerked, his cock pulsing against her fingers. His head fell back, revealing the strained cords in his neck. He licked his lips, his breath escaping in a ragged pant. 'If you keep that up, I’m never going to last long enough to make you come again.'
'Stan just looked so happy to see me I couldn’t resist.'
His mouth twitched. 'You’ve named my dick Stan?'
'What? Stan’s a great name. Honest, hardworking. A real upstanding citizen.' She waggled her brows."

That Voodoo You Do -- Jodi Redford

He finally figured out why she called her vagina "Rick Astley"

"He sucked at her, pulling and tonguing until she could no longer contain the heat or the arrowing ecstasy as it pounded through her, making her shiver, making her sob as her hands clutched at his shoulders and her sex clutched at his fingers."

6 Enchanted Princesses -- Elizabeth Jewell (Master of Secret Desires)

Like something ate a big bowl of beans before it crawled up in her and died.

"Going into the bathroom at the house was always a struggle after Montana had been in there because that scent left too vivid a picture in his mind to relax with."

Reader submission by Sara Winters
Uncle Walter owns this book and has verified the accuracy of this submission.

The Midwife's Little Miracle -- Fiona McArthur

Sexual Carpentry strikes again!

"He trembled beneath me as I slid upwards, rubbing my cheek against his thoroughly aroused penis. 'Do you, perhaps, like this?' I asked just before I lathed my tongue across the fleshy sack beneath it."

Sex, Lies and Vampires -- Katie MacAlister

Sandpaper, Drills, and even more Lathes!