Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Quotes

Testicular based home decorations. For all your cavernous needs.

"In no time his eager sperm left his sack and was shot out the head of his cock. His cum splashed the walls of her tunnel where it blended with her own juices. He grunted loudly each time a wad of cum left his cock."

Sex Stalker -- Darren G. Burton

Do a deer, a female deer; Ray, a drop of golden cum....

"His secret to staving off the load that felt like it was pooling like lava somewhere between his asshole and his balls was in rhythm -- musical rhythm to be exact. He was pounding out a number one song, and if there was one thing he could do it was keep time to music."

Best Night Ever -- Keara Kevay

Sexual differences are common, with the male characteristically showing more brilliance and pattern than that of the female.

"Maud, who had never seen a live naked man before, was awed by the sight of his broad shoulders and chest tapering into a slender waist and narrow hips, the sturdy legs framing the golden plumage of his manhood."

The Fatal Crown -- Ellen Jones

She'd gotten drunk off of the blood of Christ, got into bed with the body of Christ, and... Oh my! She certainly didn't get that during Communion!

"The glance they shared was open and naked, and as intimate as his cock inside her.
'God.' Her nails dug deliciously into the muscles of his back. 'You're so hard. And big. Jesus, you're so thick and long.'"

A Dark Kiss of Rapture -- Sylvia Day

P.S. We're totally going to hell, aren't we?

After a good gambol he liked to put her fuzzy clam on his tummy and crack her open to get to the meaty goodness inside.

"Her hands slid over his cock, which had begun to spring into action with the very first glance his way. He gave in to the hazy mindlessness, wrapping his arms around her in an embrace as he propelled them, swirling through the water like ecstatic sea otters. In the weightlessness of water, his strong muscles held them together, and her long legs wrapped around him as he drove into her until he plummeted into the abyss of climax."

Siren -- Delle Jacobs

They added some sauerkraut and called it "The Twihard Special." $5.99 with a side of mushroom ravioli.

"Sylvie Durand woke up as the meat in a hunky, alpha vampire sandwich."

Claim Me -- Tawny Taylor

The new "I'm Feeling Lucky" option on Google Maps wasn't a big hit.

"Go to that ovulating cow waiting naked in his bedroom?"

Dawn's Awakening -- Lora Leigh

Rising health insurance rates have led some to seek out low-cost surgical options.

"Opening her cunt to his hard shaft he drove himself up into her belly."

Making Up (Erotic Bites) -- M.G. Morgan

If you go in the back door without knocking, you'll often find the front door locked for a month.

"Lying on her back, Stacey instructed him to enter her. Looking him deep in the eyes, she said, 'I want you inside me.'

Will smiled, as he grabbed his hard cock and drove it inside her.

'Fuck!' shrieked Stacey, as she recoiled in agony. 

'What is it?' inquired Will, with a concerned look in his eyes.

'Wrong hole,' said Stacey, winching in pain. '…Wrong fucking hole, Will.'"

 Trashy Erotica: Swingers Squared -- Adrianna White

*Their typo, not ours.

The dangers of watching The Weather Channel while suffering from writer's block: Inspiration hits like a flash-flood.

"Bolts of heat shot through him like night lightning flashing across a humid August sky.  His mouth twisted to take hers, then twisted to take more. The storm inside him thundered and threatened to erupt."

Wish On The Moon -- Karen Rose Smith