Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Quotes

Wangardium Leviosa!

"Have the princess sprinkle this powder on the penis, say the attached incantation, and whack the testicles hard three times with this wand."

The Princess & The Penis -- RJ Silver

Don't you like my new snatch sauce? It's a special blend of herbs, spices... and yeast.

"Walking over to the bed I was met with wild wet eyes, tear tracks through the barbecue sauce down his cheeks."

Adam's Bar-B-Que Ribs -- Sugar Lee

Ego te absolvo in nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Amen

"Julia would have gasped out loud, but her lips - and her voice - were possessed by Hunter."

Going All In -- Jess Dee

My momma always said, "Life is like sagging flesh in a Playtex® 18 Hour® bra..."

"Even her tits, which he thought he’d enjoy playing with, had been laid on by so many guys that they were saggy, just like the one time he accidently had seen his mother’s boobs."

Best Night Ever -- Keara Kevay

He'd seen all the recent vampire romance novels -- extreme methods of self-preservation were called for!

"J.T. snatched a toothpick out of his shirt pocket and shoved it between his teeth. There. He couldn't kiss her now without impaling her."

A Tailor-Made Bride -- Karen Witemeyer

This is the age of knowing how to make things happen. So why would you let something like erectile dysfunction get in your way?

"'I CAN'T GET IT UP,' Tawny said, her frustration evident in the way she shoved her hair back off her brow. 'Do you want to give it a try?'"

Daring in the dark -- Jennifer LaBrecque

Lávate el coño!! Lávate el coño!!

"He showered her with kisses, bathed her in caresses, tasted and touched and soothed and aroused every inch of her body."

The Mirror & The Magic -- Coral Smith Saxe

Women have a fourth hole. I mean it's only visible if you're looking from exactly the right angle, like the entrance to Hogwarts. But ya gotta believe that it's there.

"Mother Elsbeth was on fire. Her shoulder had become her second cunt, her helpless degraded pussy."

Corruption -- Virginia Crowley

Une éducation à une petite mort, c'est comme le omelette du fromage

"No longer orgasmically uneducated, she knew exactly what she'd been missing."

A Seductive Revenge -- Kim Lawrence

I have to take it for a walk at least once a day or it pees on the furniture.

"My cock starts to lengthen and harden, wondering if it’s going to get to come out and play."  

Just One Tease -- C.J. Ellisson