Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Quotes

He'd bought Under-Ease in bulk and a couple bottles of Beano®

"Do you think I'd buy a whole case of beans and no protection in preperation for taking you with me into the mountains?"

Skin Tight -- Ava Gray

P.S. Click the link. Really.

He'd adjusted the HVAC to compensate for the extra BTUs from the friction generated during intercourse. *snort* Tree Huggers.

"The beauty of the scene that met Angela snatched her breath. Twinkling fairy lights blanketed the walls and ceiling around the white-shrouded bed, creating an ethereal space suspended between heaven and earth.
'LEDs,' Harry explained as he gently lowered her onto the white down-feather comforter. 'Light-emitting diodes. They consume a fraction of the energy of regular lights.'"

The Next Big Thing -- Madelle Morgan

Never rouse a semi-aquatic mammal hibernating in its cozy beaver-hole.

"An awakening that burned a trail of fire from her chest to the juncture of her legs, making her aware that the area between her legs was alive--its innocent slumber was shattered by a frantic, quivering pulse. Alive and tingling with anticipation for she knew not what."

Highlander Untamed -- Monica McCarty

She could've had a V8!

"Half sobbing, she clung to him even as his member released its burning love juices within her, and they both slipped into a half-concious state."

Deceived -- Betrice Small

It isn't that impressive. All it takes is the right kind of fertilizer and enough penis seed.

"Aleaha could grow a penis, after all."

Tempt Me Eternally -- Gena Showalter (Deep Kiss of Winter)

She was his very own Big Gulp, and she came with unlimited free refills.

"You taste like every sweet treat in the world, Liane. I could drink from that little pussy of yours until there wasn't a drop left, then I'd make you come again and start all over."

Hot Moon Rising -- Desiree Holt (Naughty Nooners Vol. 1)

It was Colonel Mustard, with the phalanges, in the fibromuscular tubular tract.

"His tongue curled around her clit and his fingers dipped into her, pressing upward, finding the spot at the top of her vagina that made a sharp, piercing dagger of arousal shoot up into her belly."

6 Enchanted Princesses -- Elizabeth Jewell (Master of Secret Desires)

Polly doesn't want an STD! SQUAWK!!!

"Be a good bird and get me another one of those condoms, won't you?" 

Wicked -- Tori Carrington

She kept asking him to talk about car insurance. He didn't have the heart to tell her he wasn't that kind of reptile.

"She was glad for that, glad to see that he was human, after all, because she'd had at least two beers too many and found herself dizzily elevating him to the status of a god.
A long-tongued chameleon sex god."

Striptease -- Alison Kent

It was his appendix. Last time it was his gallbladder. He needs to be more careful. All he's got left is his spleen before he runs out of "disposable" organs.

"He felt himself exploding, her name on his lips, his semen spurting into her mouth as he lost something, felt something inside him tear free and pour into her along with his seed."

Only Pleasure -- Lora Leigh