Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Quotes

He was all talk, very little action, and quick on the draw with his white-hot Super Soaker

"'Heracles' teeth, Twyla. You're like an oven.' He was practically panting. 'When you're stretched, I'm going to take you like a bull. Like a locomotive.' Another half inch. 'Fuck.' He stopped, swelling inside me, stretching me until I gasped. 'You're so hot... so tight... I'm coming.' He sucked in a couple breaths. 'Damn me, I'm coming now.'
He arched back until all I could see were the sinews standing out on his arms and the muscles of his chest, clenched so tightly they were almost white. Hot fluid filled me in a rush. I felt each hard spurt from his tight balls, several inches back on my buttocks. He still hadn't fully sheathed himself. It went on and on, until the fluid splashed out onto my thighs. He groaned and purred the entire time."

The Bite of Silence -- Mary Hughes

If you have to wonder, then no, it didn't

"I think my tongue just had an orgasm."

My Fake Fiancee -- Nancy Warren

Fruit Salad, Yummy Yummy!

"It would not be long before the fruit of success dropped into his hands, the ripe melons of her breasts, the luscious strawberry of her mouth, the whole tempting bowl that he had been so careful to keep his hands off of up until now."

Fortune's Mistress -- Michele Stegman

Feed me, Seymour! Feed me all night long!

"His mouth, now like some wet and parasitic bloom that sucked the life from its host, opened and closed on her body until with each new place that his tongue traced a circle of wetness, she squirmed in voluptuous desire beneath him."

Mistress of Falconhurst -- Lance Horner

No, no! That poor guinea pig!

"From behind me, my lover has raised my dress; I part my legs automatically and in one fluid motion he stuffs his beast within me."

Josey's Puddy Cat -- Jonathan Luckett (Zane Presents Chocolate Flava Eroticanoir.com Anthology)

A few more climaxes and he could bake a pie!

"Taariq watched as her pretty pink clit transformed into a dark cherry while she neared her second orgasm."

My Only Desire -- Adrianne Byrd

She was buggering him sore like a hobo's whore in the big hard candy mountains... in his pants

"I started massaging his hairless ass cheeks and sucking on his nuts. First the left one and then the right, just like they were Jolly Ranchers, really gentle at first, like when you get that hit of the sour taste and then harder as is starts to melt in your mouth."

What If? -- Reese Williams (Zane Presents Chocolate Flava Eroticanoir.com Anthology)

Exit ahead. Turn around when possible. At the end of the vagina your penis has reached its destination.

"He found her sweet spot so easily, she’d almost think he came equipped with GPS."

The Postman Always Comes Twice -- Paige Tyler

The first attempts at vampire romance novels weren't very impressive

"Slipping up behind me, he slid a hand between my thighs, tickled my clit while he bumped my ass with his dick a couple of times, bent his head to bite my neck, and then breezed out again."

Submission -- Kimberly Zant

The Engorgio spell would prove to be one of Harry's favorites... and one of Ginny's, too

"He slowly pulled that magical cock out, and she immediately felt empty."

Private Games -- Tawny Taylor