...a poor blogger, barely keeping up with the daily demands of his fans. Then one day, as he was hunting up a quote, he stumbled upon what he thought was a brilliant idea: a Caption Contest. He would find a really, really bad quote and, rather than try to come up with something funny to say all by himself (okay, okay, fine, The Wife helps, too), he would give his wonderful readers a chance to participate in the process. To win was simple: Uncle Walter or The Wife would have to laugh out loud, groan, or smack their respective foreheads. If any of the above happened, the submission would be declared a winner and said winner would get some cool Uncle Walter stuff. Simple enough, right? Eh... Not so much. We did get some submissions, but nothing truly worthy of such awful prose:
"Her butt wiggled against the hardest erection he'd ever experienced, an erection so big King Kong could have climbed it holding Fay Wray in his palm. Aaron could almost see an atomic blue glow coming from his balls, and it was a miracle the damned crystal flute didn't crack in his grip."
We've decided to give it one more shot. If you can come up with a clever caption (clean, dirty, or anywhere in between), we'll post it, give you the credit, and send you some cool Uncle Walter merchandise! Sound good? Good. So email your response to us, post it in our forum, or leave your submission as a comment. Normally our captions are just a single header, but we're flexible. Whatever it takes to get the funny accross! If you think your reference might be too vague, feel free to provide a link to point us in the right direction.
You can do this! We do it every single day, day in and day out (well, except for when we have no electricity and we get lazy). Maybe we don't always hit it out of the park, but we've got faith that you all can do better! Prove us right.
Butt I got nothing!
Posted by: Matt | 02/01/2011 at 05:20 PM
He didn't know that to get the diamond pick in Minecraft he had to go deeper.
Posted by: Matt | 02/01/2011 at 05:50 PM
Well... that's okay, I guess. 'Cause I've got an idea traipsing around in my brain, and we're probably going to use it. I was really hopeful that someone could come up with a fun caption. It's such a bad quote!
Posted by: The Wife | 02/02/2011 at 01:20 AM
It is good that we are able to take the business loans and it opens up new chances.
Posted by: PansyAtkinson20 | 02/02/2011 at 06:17 AM
Hey, Pansy, What does that have to do with the quote?!
Just for that, we'll twist it into a perverted proposition!
"It is good that we are able to take the business loans and it opens up new chances." he said as her butt cheeks flabbered around his erection.
It was the dirtiest business transaction he'd ever performed.
And he was certain that flute had been places during band camp.
Posted by: Matt | 02/02/2011 at 02:34 PM
Well, shoot, Matt, I was just going to delete the Spam comment. Instead, I'll just make it so you can't click through.
Posted by: The Wife | 02/02/2011 at 07:05 PM
LOL!
Best use of spam yet, as twisted commentary.
Posted by: Matt | 02/02/2011 at 07:45 PM
Falling into a vat of nuclear waste as a child hadn't made him a superhero, but the glow under his belt sure impressed the ladies.
Posted by: ellew | 02/04/2011 at 05:43 PM
She thought his casting couch technique was rather odd.
He thought the interview for the philharmonic was going rather swell.
Posted by: Matt | 02/05/2011 at 04:29 PM
"But that's not what that means!"
Just seconds before his music tutor had said, "Remember.. spare the rod, spoil the child."
--------------------------
And she obviously wasn't sparing his rod?
Posted by: Matt | 02/07/2011 at 04:52 AM
"NO! NO! NO! To start a campfire you rub STICKS together!"
Posted by: Matt | 02/07/2011 at 04:58 AM
Of course, Aaron realized this was a ridiculous metaphor: Kong would make it barely a single dick-story up before being knocked off by the giant wiggling butt. Indeed, the things would have gone much better in the movie if they'd gone with ass-wiggling instead of biplanes.
Posted by: Nick | 02/09/2011 at 10:55 PM
He never thought he'd ever get to see the classic British play The Golden Rump performed in person.
Posted by: Matt | 02/14/2011 at 08:29 AM
Damn that Doctor Frankenstein and his lightning tower.
His balls always suffered from static cling.
Posted by: Matt | 05/27/2011 at 04:33 PM