Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Quotes

Miss Manners - Red Shoe Diaries Edition

"So what? That doesn't mean you can just poke your tongue between my legs. That's so rude! I don't even know you."

Larkspur -- Anny Cook

Everywhere I go, when I walk by, chicks are like turning their heads and going, whoa-ah

"His cock reamed her insides sore in the most joyous way. The stimulation of his large balls slapping her ass had its own amount of rousing effects."

Woverton Blood -- Brenda Williamson

Medicinal Fried Chicken
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Water into wine into brandy, riding their raft a few too many times through the communion line

"Their passion seemed as always bright and new.  Heady and sweet, it was a river of wine on which they drifted this winter's night in the radiance of summer, and every motion, every half-spoken murmur, with a promise of further delight.  On and on they drove each other down that wild river, sweeping through rapids and over falls, ever touching, ever thrilling until their straining bodies seemed melded as one and the river of wine had turned into a river of brandy and intoxicated them, each with the other."

Windsong -- Valerie Sherwood

Forget lying to girls, he was tired of lying to himself

"Before you know it, you're naked and handcuffed to the headboard of some guy named Dirk with a ruler tattooed on his penis."

Reader submission by Laura
Uncle Walter is not responsible for the accuracy of reader submissions.  In other words, if it's wrong, it ain't his fault!

True Love and Other Disasters -- Rachel Gibson

With any luck, and her Farmer's Almanac, by next spring she'd have a bumper crop!

"Beatrix's head swam as if she was drunk, Alder's cries sounding distorted, her own body quaking, her eyes blind with silver and white starlight in the cellar, and she took his vampire seed hungrily, willingly, gratefully."

The Vampire Hunter -- Heather Grothaus (Highland Beast)

Who's up for s'mores? Or would you rather a hot dog?

"For a fire was growing an inch or two lower than his questing fingers -- a hungry fire that clamored for feeding."

A Rebellious Bride -- Brenda Hiatt

This Thanksgiving, baste your turkey with breastmilk! It's all the rage!

"He covered her with his nakedness, wrapping his arms around her middle and rooting his mouth to her sweet breast.  She was paradise, tasting of lavender and her own special womanly flavor."

Tryst With an Angel -- Eugenia Riley (Christmas Angels)

Happy Thanksgiving to all our readers in the USA!

If only he'd been like Spencer: ready, willing and able to "stopper things up"

"Martay felt the hot pumping liquid of love fill her, then overflow, and she gloried in the wonderful sensation."

Savage Heat -- Nan Ryan

Remember Spencer?

Brillo® Scratchless All Purpose Chests are tough enough for use on kitchen and bathroom surfaces, yet tender enough to please a woman

"The springy tangle of dark hair on his chest was a provocative abrasion against her thighs as his teeth nibbled at the soft flesh of her belly."

The Delaneys of Kallaroo: Matilda, The Adventuress -- Iris Johansen

You don't go to the mouth to give an orgasm, you have to use the vagina! Well, sure if you're doing it the easy way.

"Instead, she opened her mouth so he could stroke the sensitive tissue of her inner lips."

Shadow of the Moon -- Rebecca York