Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Quotes

Chestnuts roasting on a intangible fire, Jack Frost naked with a sword...

"All he'd have to do was stand in front of her nonexistant fireplace naked with his sword strapped to his side and she'd have an orgasm."

Night Bites -- Nina Bangs

He was such a nice man... he was a fine young cannibal

"Then she leaned forward so that her full breasts were suspended above him like fruit ripe for the plucking."

The Rose of Ravenscrag -- Patricia Phillips

"Hi-ho, Silver! Away!"

"His smile was slow and so sensual she wanted to roll on top of him and ride him into the sunset."

Wicked Fantasy -- Nina Bangs

He's unleashed the fashion Kracken!

"As a slight punishment for Darius's impertinence today, Poseidon blew his breath upon the dragon army, spraying them with a fine mist of sea and leaving them dressed in women's scarves."

The Nymph King -- Gena Showalter

Ball Park Vaginas: they plump when you pork 'em!

"Slowly, he drew his fingers up until he found her plump and swollen and wet around his cock."

Autumn in Scotland -- Karen Ranney

When they said "open mouth kiss," this wasn't what they had in mind...

"He'd kissed her so hard that her lip had split."

Cherokee Storm -- Janelle Taylor

Who would have thought the diaphragm made her so tense?

"Then the floodgates seemed to open, and the tension flowed from her like water from the beaver dam."

The Cowboys - Sean -- Leigh Greenwood

She shone with a soft tremulous light of cold body radiation

"'Oh, my god,' he murmured as he slid into her, filling her slowly, pushing past the fragile barrier of her virginity so easily, she hardly noticed the pain through the shimmering luminescence of fulfilled passion."

Banner's Bonus -- Carole Ann Lee

It's everywhere. Listen. Listen. Listen. Here come the drums... here come... the drums...

"Her body stiffened, her breath stopped, her heartbeat reverberated like a jungle drum.  Then she reached the heights of the clouds and was cushioned by the warm, fine feeling, the electricity flowed from him to her, through her."

Interlude in Time -- Rita Clay Estrada

Don't go chasing effervescent waterfalls! Please stick to the rivers and the lakes that you're used to.

"She drew a ragged breath when the smoldering reached its peak inside her, spilling over, like the effervescent foam of a waterfall touching her all over."

Savage Dream -- Cassie Edwards