Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Quotes

She hoped it didn't have pimento. She really didn't like pimento.

"The hard bulges in his abdomen tapered into lean muscles that rippled down to his thighs, creating a vee of taut ridges that commanded attention to the raw masculinity that hung heavily between his legs. The mere sight of him made her stomach feel tight and empty. It was thick and long and raising itself eagerly. Olive-pink, smooth, velvety-looking, hooded, with a strong vein running the length of it."

The Highlander's Touch -- Karen Marie Moning

She couldn't even FIND first base

"'Alexandra...'
He tried to reach for her, but it felt as if a weight sat upon him, and he couldn't move. With a seductive smile, she rose on her toes and lifted her face and...
Licked his cheek.
Frustrated, he tried again to move, desperate to touch her, kiss her, but his shoulders were held immobile by invisible hands. She rewarded him with another wet lick on the cheek. Clearly she required a few lessons in the art of kissing."

Never a Lady -- Jacquie D'Alessandro

And he needed a bicycle, too

"'Neither do I,' she said, leaving him gaping like a fish in need of oxygen."

Indiscreet -- Candace Camp

For God's sake, man, you don't need a referendum to cum!

"'This isn't a bloody parliamentary debate, Rafe!' More than ever craving oblivion, she contracted her interior muscles in a ravishing caress."

Petals in the Storm -- Mary Jo Putney

He was first on the menu at the Eeyore "Golden Corral"

"Women lusted after him, sure that his 'thistle' -- undoubtedly the largest in the world-- would induce ecstasy."

Reader submission by Peggy T.
Uncle Walter is not responsible for the accuracy of reader submissions. In other words, if it's wrong, it ain't his fault!

Once a Knight -- Christina Dodd

Now, for my next trick, I'm going to pull a quarter from your scrotum

"His passion for her was displayed in all its ebony glory, and she reached out and stroked it with her hand. 'Perfect time for another magic trick, I do believe...'"

Through the Storm -- Beverly Jenkins

How many licks DOES it take?

"She said nothing, just stared at him, like a grave blue-eyed baby owl."

Uncommon Vows -- Mary Jo Putney

By the Elders, that was good!

"Sex.
Orgasm.
Shazam!"

A Body to Die For -- Kimberly Raye

He was finally able to live out his linoleum fantasies

"'Smooth,' he said, sounding surprised, as his fingers appreciated the unfamiliar but fine art of waxing."

Once a Gambler -- Carrie Hudson

That's the biggest, brightest hemorrhoid I've ever seen!

"You're getting older and it's suddenly come home to you that maybe an heir in your image and likeness would be a very nice thing to have, along with a silly, besotted wife who thinks the sun shines out of your bum and who'll wait around for you for weeks at a time, no questions asked."

The Magnate's Mistress -- Miranda Lee