Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Quotes

She never imagined that foreplay would involve a Swiss Army Knife, a paperclip and duct tape!

"Angus let himself flow into her, and together they spiraled downward to earth once more."

Gentle Conqueror -- Mary Ellen Gronau

P.S. Angus is MacGuyver's first name. Just in case you, you know, didn't know.

Wonderful! Let's have 11 more!

"They suck, shit, and sleep, and then suck some more for at least a year. They're really not very interesting at all."

The Captive Heart -- Bertrice Small

Honeybees have nipples? I don't imagine they're too happy when you milk them.

"Her nipples dark as honeybee's tightened as they met the lamplight."

Reader submission by Trooper, a guest from The Keep
Uncle Walter is not responsible for the accuracy of reader submissions. In other words, if it's wrong, it ain't his fault!

Divine Torment -- Janine Ashbless

I have something better for you to eat...

"Are ye so hungry that ye need to eat my hair?"

Fortune's Flame -- Judith E. French

She was the Queen of the Skin Horse Rodeo

"She reached out inquisitive fingers to trace a sinew and watched in fascination as his shaft reared and bucked as if demonstrating the brute force it possessed."

A Woman of Passion -- Virginia Henley

Moments later her nether lips opened and a tiny voice said "Parkay"

"Like delving into butter, he slid inside, and her sheath encased his massive girth, her inner muscles pulling him deeper."

Wild Irish Skies -- Nancy Richards-Akers

Intra-Vaginal Cardiac Massage; or don't go to a gynecologist for a heart attack...

"Then he withdrew and pressed in again, stretching her sheath, filling her to the hilt, to the point where she felt he was nudging her heart when he thrust the last inch."

To Distraction -- Stephanie Laurens

There's a branch on the tree and a tree in the hole

'''You see, madam? I'm naught but potter's clay in your hands.'
'No potter's clay, I trow,' she sighed in admiration, 'but a mighty oak.'
'Then come, little bird, and perch upon my branch,' he coaxed, pressing his lips to her temple."

Reader submission by EmiTheSatrangeXXO, a guest from The Keep
Uncle Walter is not responsible for the accuracy of reader submissions. In other words, if it's wrong, it ain't his fault!

Petals on the River -- Kathleen E. Woodiwiss

Let me be your Teddy bear... or Joe... whichever

"He wasn't sure whether this was another hero's reward or a business transaction. As he fumbled with the buttons of his trousers, he resolved to worry about it later.
'Oh,' she said when, presently, he went into her. She was quiet after that, working intently beneath him, till she stiffened again and quivered and cried out, 'Oh, Joe! Oh, God, Joe!' He didn't think she knew what she was saying; he hardly knew what she was saying himself then. His own ecstasy came less than a minute later. Afterwards, he decided she probably was a widow after all.
Being twenty-three, he would have been ready for a second round in short order, but she got off the bed and started dressing again, so he did, too. He was left with a puzzling problem in etiquette after that. If she was a streetwalker as well as a widow, he'd anger her if he didn't offer to pay. If she wasn't, he'd offend her if he did.
He stood irresolute, a rare position for him. Without answering the question behind it, she solved the problem for him: 'Merry Christmas, Colonel Roosevelt.'"

Okay, okay, we promise that this is the last one. But we couldn't resist it! After all, we've had Sam, and we've had George. How could we leave out Teddy?

How Few Remain -- Harry Turtledove

Montezuma's REVENGE!

"All hell broke loose in his breeches."

A Notorious Love -- Sabrina Jeffries