Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Quotes

Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Quotes and Covers in RT Book Reviews Magazine!

The March, 2010 issue of RT Book Reviews Magazine will feature an article on Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Quotes and Covers!  RT Book Reviews Magazine is available at nearly all book stores, so keep an eye out.  Support Uncle Walter by purchasing this issue, which will be available in February!

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It's a penis, not a gummy bear

"You take it into your mouth," he said softly, "and hold it there. Don't chew."

Reader submission by Deannatroi
Uncle Walter is not responsible for the accuracy of reader submissions. In other words, if it's wrong, it ain't his fault!

Powerful Italian, Penniless Housekeeper -- India Grey

Her dimly lit meat passage caressed his twitching man spear

"Her dark, moist tunnel of softness pulsated and pushed him around; it clung with each instant, spasmodic contraction."

Comanche Bride -- Emma Merritt

That wasn't the treasure he'd hoped to find in that box

"He snorted, dangling the tampon from its string."

The Highlander's Touch -- Karen Marie Moning

It takes a true poet to compose such a touching compliment

"You've got blood as hot as any three-dollar strumpet."

Untamed Angel -- Elaine Fox

She'd bathed herself in his stash of Eau de Skank

"He wondered what she'd been doing with herself up in his bathroom, then decided he didn't care much. There was something wildly satisfying about smelling his scent on her."

To Catch an Heiress -- Julia Quinn

Sometimes you have the vagina, sometimes the vagina has you

"It was at that point that she pretty much fell to pieces, her arms losing strength as she slumped to the ground, her limbs disintegrating even as she went tighter... skin puckering, core retracting, sharpening..."

When the Sun Goes Down... -- Crystal Green

She put his dongle in her RJ45 and they had their own private TCP/IP handshake

"'You're so sexy when you get all techie,' Sabrina murmured, coming over to kneel in front of him."

Turn Me On -- Kristin Hardy

Odiferous were the dewy petals of her eminence

"Her pale skin stretched taut across her weepy mound, and Jack breathed deeply the heady fragrance that was this woman's alone."

Out of Control -- Julie Miller

Bondage/Domination/Statue Masochism

"Yes, he'd been caught naked and alone, aroused, exposed and tied to a frigging statue."

Wickedly Hot -- Leslie Kelly