Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Quotes

She was flocking it. It's called a Sno Blower.

"She's probably been the easiest lay of his life, screaming like a banshee and coming more than... More than Santa Claus in the damn song."

More Naughty Than Nice -- Julie Kistler

I don't have time for this. I can't wait if your wiener is pulling a scared turtle.

“A little thing like that’s not much use to anybody. It’s a wonder you can even pee with it.”

The Ripening Time -- Catherine MacLeod

Okay, Weaver, listen carefully. You can hold on to your red snapper or you can go for what's in the box!

"She had what his father used to call 'a snapper'. She had control over that pussy."

Fuckstrated -- Junnita Jackson

Le L'aine du Cirque

"Her hormones were flipping like acrobats in the far recesses of her groin."

A Touch of Silk -- Lori Wilde

Fortunately she had a twat the size of Alaska to accommodate him.

"If it hadn't been for the backlit flames in his eyes or the uneven breathing, she probably would have been ticked, but Mr. I Feel Nothing had a hard-on bigger than Texas."

Just Let Go -- Kathleen O'Reilly

Talk about the "elephant" in the room. She wasn't complaining.

"Her eyes were fixed on the part of Andrew that had just been revealed like it was a novelty in a curiosity shop."

Intentions of the Earl -- Rose Gordon

Although... and this is just a friendly word of advice... laughing isn't a particularly good idea, either.

"He snickered, but he didn't really think it was funny. It was just easier to laugh than run screaming from the room. Besides, he was starting to feel sorry for the big-squishy thing."

Smoke and Ashes -- Tanya Huff

Wait, is this anything like a werewolf, on rollerblades, juggling bowling pins?

"Sheila gasped as the entire monster slide inside her and soon she was bucking and rearing like a bitch in heat riding the horse of her life."

Four Can Play That Game -- Denise Smith

P.S. That's their typo, not ours.

And, like the mystical Pheonix, her hyman would rise again, fresh and new, to be taken once more.

"Her legs were slightly parted, giving him a most enticing view of the paradise between, and her breasts were swollen, her nipples still hard. Her skin was flushed, and not from the firelight. He had put that rosy glow on her body. And with that marvelous auburn hair falling in wild curls around her shoulders, she seemed to be a creature of flame. Flame and passion."

Love's Magic Spell -- Wendy Garrett

Ouch my eyes! It's like being shot in the eyes by a glitter gun!

"He did not know what, only that he exploded with an orgasm so powerful his back arched, his muscles swelling, contracting, a roped ripple that made him go blind with pleasure."

Tiger Eye -- Marjorie M. Liu