Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Quotes

Never go to a gynecologist for a tonsilectomy -- they only know one way in

"And still he kept tunneling into her, steady and deep until she swore she could feel him at her tonsils."

Sort of a reader submission by Jain Daire
 
Uncle Walter is not responsible for the accuracy of reader submissions.  In other words, if it's wrong, it ain't his fault!

When the grizzled '49er stuck his pick he struck a vein

"Threads of hot molten gold spiraled from her belly and spread up into her breasts and down into her thighs."

Blue Light Special, mini orgy! No refunds or exchanges

We just couldn't help ourselves...

"He lowered his hand over her, she felt his fingers comb through her nether curls as he slid his hand downward, her folds parting and slipping into place around his long fingers."

"She felt her eyes go round. 'Good Lord!' she cried.
'What is that?'"

"Konstanze pointed to his crotch.  'Is there something amiss with it?'
He stood straight, naked now, his penis protruding like the pole of a shop sign.  He looked down at it, and it began to deflate, shrinking and sagging. 'I don't think so.'
'But...' she said, her eyes fixed upon it as if upon a snake, 'it's so big.'
'It is?'  The member in question puffed up as if in pride, regaining its former stiff stature. 'That's to make it better to please you with, my dear,' he said, and when she looked up at his face, he was grinning.
She pulled the sheet up, gripping it tightly.  'It's not what I expected.  It's like something out of that book, "an enormous machine.''"

"She hesitated, but the truth was she would very much like to touch it and become acquainted."

"The thing might as well have been the appendage of a different animal entirely, compared to what had hung between Budd's legs."

"She pushed down the sheet and then, feeling like Sleeping Beauty reaching for the deadly spindle, touched the beast upon its head.  It bobbed in response."

"She almost forgot that it was attached to Tom, she became so engrossed in exploring the contours and running her fingertips along ridges, and letting the dampened end nudge her palm like the nose of a friendly dog."

"At the entrance to her body she felt a moistening -- a desire rising within her to have Tom inside her, to have him filling a new and hungry emptiness the way the heroine in the Memoirs had been filled.  The very interior of her felt as if it was alive with wanting, her flesh tingling with the need to be taken."

"She sucked in a breath at the surprise of it, the head feeling now like a veritable fist against her, it was so wide and her body so unwilling to receive it."

"He stopped with his face above that space between her thighs, and as she watched in horrified embarrassment he combed away her curls with his fingers and parted her nether lips."

"She dropped back onto the pillows at the luscious contact, eyes closing and all thought melting away into a starry black galaxy of pleasure." 

"His manhood pulsed against her, and something warm and wet spread in spurts between their bodies."

She looked down at her belly, then sat halfway up in surprise, her fingers going to the substance spread there. 'The 'milky effusion'!'"

So THAT'S how you make sausage

"He was probing inward now, penetrating her, his gentle massage setting off waves of gut-grinding pulsations deep inside her."

Give me a hammer and a sock and stand back!

"'Oh God, Charles, you feel incredible. You're like a rock inside me.'
His voice was tortured.  'You feel wonderful, too, love.  So soft and hot and snug.'"

But the "NPH" brand would forever remain

"The ache became a raw pain, and Amanda was thoroughly relieved when he finally withdrew, taking the burning lance with him."

Her seductive pose caused a kick to the crotch flare-up

"The seductive picture she made, a picture perhaps not as unpremeditated as she might wish him to believe, Morigan thought sourly, sent hot blood pounding through his groin.  His semiflaccid organ flared to its full, jutting height."

Her spongy love tube absorbed his thunderous spray

"And the gathering storm rolled and streamed and exploded through his body, as if his soul rushed into her, as if all the desire, all the need that had been trapped inside poured out of him.
She rocked with him, and quickened beneath him, and he felt the force of whatever bonded him to her.  Blood and flesh and spirit whirled together, releasing him into her, where he knew, now, that he belonged."

So, that's why she kept a desiccant packet in her panties

"Already she could feel herself growing warm and damp for want of him."

She needed his meatstick for her starving crotch monster

"Lord God, she thought more than once as she lay rigid beside him, trying to control the undulation of loins that were left hungry and wanting, if Breel came by, I'd fall on him!"

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