Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Quotes

Everybody says you've got Great Balls of Fire

"Your nuts pull close to your body and expand into red hot bowling balls."

The Second Person -- Alessia Brio

Why you should never call it "screwing" to someone who used a "Sit 'N Spin" as a kid.

"She sank on him, taking him slowly inside her, circling to work her way down his length until at last she sat flush against his groin."

Arctic Dragon -- Delilah Devlin (Royal Bondage)

Lumberjack Lactivists hold Nurse-In and Log-Roll on the steps of the Capitol Building

"With his broad shoulders, long muscled legs, and big, uh, nipples, he could have been a lumberjack slumming in the state capital."

Undead and Unpopular -- Mary Janice Davidson

Aren't paybacks a bitch?

"Ryan ran his tongue over the soft skin of her back while he twisted her nipples in his fingertips.
Melissa rode him hard, breathing fast and panting loudly as she rose up and down on him in a blur of activity. Her hand reached between his legs and grabbed hold of his heavy sack. She used it as a handle as she continued to buck and bounce.
With a sudden urge, Ryan pushed her off him."

Sex Stalker 2: Exposed -- Darren G. Burton

It was the first time he'd ever done "it" without a net and he was pretty nervous

"At the point of deepest invasion he held still for a moment, his sexual balance as precarious as a tightrope walker."

Veils of Silk -- Mary Jo Putney

He was a shoo-in to win the Long Squirt. Too bad he only came once every 4 years.

"Ryan's hand was a blur as he went for gold. His body tensed. Tingles sent shivers through him. His cock stiffened further, then the first shot of cum exploded from the head of his cock and landed on the tiles five feet from him. The second shot went even further. He kept on ejaculating until a dozen shots of cum were splattered in wet patches on the floor."

Sex Stalker -- Darren G. Burton

When I bite into Wade I get the sensation of...

"He tasted like coffee, a little bitter, and something else. Something that I would bet was just all Wade, rich and dark and so very good.
Good in the way that climbing Mount Everest is good, or winning the Nobel Peace Prize good."

Seeing You -- Dakota Flint

She was always the loser in the popular party game Bobbing for Boners

"If you fell in a barrel of pricks, you'd come out sucking your thumb."

Foreplay -- Tammy Valentine
(The link is not for this particular book, since sadly it doesn't seem available anymore on Amazon.com, but here is another of her (related) books.)

Thank God she'd used a trampoline, or else the evil tadpoles would have taken over the Earth!

"Spurt after furious spurt shook her frame, the orgasm violent in its release, decimating everything he thought he knew about sex."

Don't Tempt Me -- Sylvia Day

One-Two-Three-Four I declare Tongue War

"She wanted a toe-to-toe, hip-to-hip, lip and tongue confrontation."

Masked by Moonlight -- Nancy Gideon