Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Quotes

First he had to deal with those foul balls

"Despite his dick being hard enough to send a baseball flying across the park, he wasn't ready yet to slide all eleven inches into her damp, hot pussy."

Fienin' -- Angie Daniels (Big Spankable Asses)

She had a teeny-tiny saddle made from macaroni and she'd finally found a teeny-tiny (baloney) pony

"His torso tanned all over. Long, powerful legs, and a cock that looked made to ride."

French Kissing -- Nancy Warren

I'm a winner, see my prize! You're a loser who sits and cries!

"When he slipped her nightgown from her, dropping it over the side of the bed, he was conscious of a sense of wonder, of awe, that all he saw was now his -- not conquered but given -- a prize beyond price."

The Reasons for Marriage -- Stephanie Laurens (Rules of Engagement)

Jello Boobs loved Two Cocks, and they expressed it on inflatable swim rafts. Maybe? Fuck if we can tell.

"His mouth traveled down from her gently jiggling breasts to her belly, and down the tangled mound of her womanhood where she was parted by his loving. Her body arched to his lips with the pleasure.
'I want you to know, Eileen,' he said hoarsely, 'that I want you now.'
His hands cupped her naked breasts and squeezed.
He was quick and subtle and strong and sure. She never knew at what point he became as naked as she, but then she felt his huge manhood stark and pulsating pound and prod her loins, seeking their natural goal.
And her thighs parted for him and she let him come to her, because all she could think about was that melting feeling in her, that hot craving that had to be satisfied.
They were together then on the float. The float rocked gently. Vaguely she could hear the water slapping against its sides. And then she felt the sudden deep stab of his huge, turgid object and a small piercing cry escaped her, as the pulsating hardness forced deep in her.
And then they were moving in cadence, harder and faster, as their passions built with the intimate connection.
She lunged with him, dizzy and with it, the surging rhythm of his love-making, and harder and faster his invasion flamed and burned her core, till he built up, stiffened and flared his completion, the jetting spurts gushed and flamed her core, again and again, and again."

Art Colony Perverts -- Cal De Feo

That was the last time she ate a double bean burrito before bed

"On top of that, she'd been dreaming about him. Last night, she and he had been married, living in a cabin in the mountains. They'd talked about bears and how to dig a fishing hole. Then at some point, the dream had turned sexual and she'd been sixteen again, madly in love and hotly in heat.
Tension lingered despite the killer run, infusing her lower abdomen with frustrating heaviness, a reminder of what she may never feel again. Intermittent cramps taunted her."

Easy Loving -- Sheryl Lynn

WWE moves that are surprisingly effective, despite how wimpy they first appear

"He returned the hug without thinking. Then the feel of her in his arms slammed into his senses on one blinding wave. He closed his eyes as the impact sucked him under. Desire delivered a second blow, sending him into a roll."

Almost Perfect -- Julie Ortolon

She get it, pop it, lock it, drop it! Shawty be Daggering

"Heat flared between them. His gaze, searing, mesmerizing, captured hers. A spark ignited, flickered momentarily before catching fire to roar into a blazing conflagration.
She was lost, tumbling into the depths of his eyes, plunging into his very soul. Then, everything stilled, quieted. There was nothing but them, the torrid press of their bodies, the rise and fall of ragged breathing, the scent of passion, and hungering need. And still they danced, but the movements flowed effortlessly now, attuned as they were one to the other."

Heart's Surrender -- Kathleen Morgan

P.S. I hope you all appreciate what I go through for this blog. The cover of this book is textured (with a 3D image) and just TOUCHING it is nauseating! Ugh!

We don't know what's happening. We'd try to figure it out, but we're too busy trying not to think of the Nutcracker to focus.

"He worshiped her breasts with his tongue, slowly encircling each of the swollen orbs that became instantly erect under his mouth. As he moved his tongue slowly down her belly to the thicket of red hair, his hands remained on her breasts, rubbing the nipples until Kate felt she was going to scream with pleasure. As he plunged his tongue in to drink from her, she arched her back in ecstasy. He ran his tongue slowly around her swollen clit, then faster and faster until it felt so full, so sensitive, she couldn't bear it for another second. His throbbing penis entered her, and their mating was like a wildly choreographed ballet. He tuned himself quickly to her responses, faster, then slowing, until finally they could wait no more and Jed pounded into her like a jackhammer. Their screaming release came at the same instant, and Jed collapsed on her and lay there a moment, tasting their intermingled sweat."

Affair of the Heart -- Laura Allen

Seventy-six boners led the big parade. With 110 cunts close at hand. They were followed by rows and rows of the finest...

"I reached inside my trousers and pulled out my long hard throbbing cock. It stood to attention like a soldier on parade."

Game of Lust -- John Sheridan

Bedroom Antics of Carnie Folk

"Juggling her, he stripped off her robe, left it lying on the floor as he swung her into his arms and carried her to bed."

The Truth About Love -- Stephanie Laurens