Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Quotes

Never go to a gynecologist for a tonsilectomy -- they only know one way in

"And still he kept tunneling into her, steady and deep until she swore she could feel him at her tonsils."

Sort of a reader submission by Jain Daire
 
Uncle Walter is not responsible for the accuracy of reader submissions.  In other words, if it's wrong, it ain't his fault!

C.S.I. says that pig skin burns like human skin, but doesn't spontaneously combust

"He left her breathless and on fire, starting when he carried her into the bedroom and set her on the bed, leaning over on his knees to kiss her tenderly, moving his lips to her throat while he gently pulled her dress down from her shoulders and away from her breasts."

You'd think for a blow job she wouldn't get left behind

"Understanding his exquisite pain, she coaxed his climax from him in wave after wave of shuddering rapture."

She was determined that her familly tree would remain a trunk

"For the greatest enigma of all was the multitude of feelings that her passionate young nephew had suddenly awakened in her."

Hey Julie, look what you're doing to Wayne

"Her touch aroused him and his cock stood up like a ramrod.  Suddenly, he arched his back and ejaculated like a fountain."

Riding on the bumper cars of love, he got stuck in the corner (dontcha just hate that)

"When he felt Christina's fingers relax against his buttocks, felt her hips arch upward to take him, he lost control, pounding into her with the riveting strokes of his climax until her soft sobs sent him tumbling over the edge with her, and spiraling to rest against her womb."

Now why am I craving beer-battered fish?

"With a feverish moan, he obliged her, then moved lower and lower, across her belly to the downy fur between her legs.  Orlena's fingers twisted in his long hair, urging his burning mouth onward until he reached that most private part of her.  She stiffened.  He silenced her protests by retracing the path back up her body.  But his hand dipped lazily between her legs, feeling the creamy evidence of her desire."

He could have used a little salt, and she needed to floss

"He tasted of chicken broth, and his mouth was hot and wet and greedy as he sucked at her lips and tongue, then nipped at what he captured with his teeth."

When the grizzled '49er stuck his pick he struck a vein

"Threads of hot molten gold spiraled from her belly and spread up into her breasts and down into her thighs."

Blue Light Special, mini orgy! No refunds or exchanges

We just couldn't help ourselves...

"He lowered his hand over her, she felt his fingers comb through her nether curls as he slid his hand downward, her folds parting and slipping into place around his long fingers."

"She felt her eyes go round. 'Good Lord!' she cried.
'What is that?'"

"Konstanze pointed to his crotch.  'Is there something amiss with it?'
He stood straight, naked now, his penis protruding like the pole of a shop sign.  He looked down at it, and it began to deflate, shrinking and sagging. 'I don't think so.'
'But...' she said, her eyes fixed upon it as if upon a snake, 'it's so big.'
'It is?'  The member in question puffed up as if in pride, regaining its former stiff stature. 'That's to make it better to please you with, my dear,' he said, and when she looked up at his face, he was grinning.
She pulled the sheet up, gripping it tightly.  'It's not what I expected.  It's like something out of that book, "an enormous machine.''"

"She hesitated, but the truth was she would very much like to touch it and become acquainted."

"The thing might as well have been the appendage of a different animal entirely, compared to what had hung between Budd's legs."

"She pushed down the sheet and then, feeling like Sleeping Beauty reaching for the deadly spindle, touched the beast upon its head.  It bobbed in response."

"She almost forgot that it was attached to Tom, she became so engrossed in exploring the contours and running her fingertips along ridges, and letting the dampened end nudge her palm like the nose of a friendly dog."

"At the entrance to her body she felt a moistening -- a desire rising within her to have Tom inside her, to have him filling a new and hungry emptiness the way the heroine in the Memoirs had been filled.  The very interior of her felt as if it was alive with wanting, her flesh tingling with the need to be taken."

"She sucked in a breath at the surprise of it, the head feeling now like a veritable fist against her, it was so wide and her body so unwilling to receive it."

"He stopped with his face above that space between her thighs, and as she watched in horrified embarrassment he combed away her curls with his fingers and parted her nether lips."

"She dropped back onto the pillows at the luscious contact, eyes closing and all thought melting away into a starry black galaxy of pleasure." 

"His manhood pulsed against her, and something warm and wet spread in spurts between their bodies."

She looked down at her belly, then sat halfway up in surprise, her fingers going to the substance spread there. 'The 'milky effusion'!'"