Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Quotes

Old Ben Franklin sure was glad he had his skeleton key ampallang!

"He tried to be gentle, to give her that much courtesy, but she surprised him by leaning into his body, opening her mouth for an even deeper kiss that sent ribbons of lightning through his flesh."

Tiger Eye -- Marjorie M. Liu

His dick wick was saturated in her love gas and the friction caused a burn

"Resa rose onto her knees and rubbed the head against her wet sex, creating a burn that ran down his length into his balls and spread like wildfire throughout his body."

An Unwanted Hunger -- Ciana Stone

Myogenic muscular organs hurled past and ovum-producing shrapnel rained from the sky

"Bloody hearts cannonballed past, there was a storm of ovaries."

The Ugly Cock Dance -- Mary Gaitskill (Wet: More Aqua Erotica)

Without any rope, and the dock 2 miles away, she was left with little choice.

"She wrapped her arms around the sturdy column of his neck and hung on, for that was all she could do in the face of this storm of passion."

Beneath a Crimson Moon -- Christine Michels

Around, around, around, around... Over and under and through!

"She cried out as the climax swept through her with the violence of a riptide, first dragging her over and under in wave after wave of pleasure, then tossing her up and over in an airless peak."

Led Into Temptation -- Cara Summers

You can’t hide the thunderbolt. When it hits you, everybody can see it. Christ, man, don’t be ashamed of it, some men pray for the thunderbolt.

"Each stroke sent a bolt akin to one of Zeus' thunderbolts through his loins."

A Touch Of Greek -- Tina Folsom (Olympus #1)

Her pubic thatch became a devastated trailer park

"At the feel of his tongue slapping against her pulsing perl, Anna came unglued and her orgasm detonated like a C-4 explosive. The air rushed out of her lungs, her eyes rolled to the back of her head and her entire body quivered and trembled with violent aftershocks.

And still, Taariq's tongue continued to swirl inside her like a MidWestern tornado. Before she knew it another orgasm was set to go off in 3...2...1...

'Aaaaah!'"

My Only Desire -- Adrinne Byrd

You're telling me that the North Pole is now somewhere in Wisconsin?

"At the touch of his mouth against hers, lightening struck. The earth quaked. The world as Chrissy knew shifted on its axis."

Simmer All Night -- Geralyn Dawson

She had to wait a few hours to remove the dead bees from her vagina. She didn't want all that work to be for nothing!

"He murmered more words, like 'bee' and 'honey', but all she could think of was the honey that was already pooling in her crotch from the most erotic thing she had ever done."

Dance of the Seven Veils -- Cris Anson

The dangers of watching The Weather Channel while suffering from writer's block: Inspiration hits like a flash-flood.

"Bolts of heat shot through him like night lightning flashing across a humid August sky.  His mouth twisted to take hers, then twisted to take more. The storm inside him thundered and threatened to erupt."

Wish On The Moon -- Karen Rose Smith