Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Quotes

An eruption of sweat to coat them in a sheen of self-lubrication, how lovely.

"She gripped his face, plundering his mouth as their bodies strained against one another, need bringing perspiration bursting through their pores to slicken their skin."

An Unwanted Hunger -- Ciana Stone

Think John Travolta in Welcome Back Kotter, only more. You're welcome.

"His raven hair spread like wings away from his forehead."

Cabin Fever -- Melissa MacNeal (Naughty, Naughty)

She learned the hard way why he'd named her skeleton key-shaped genital piercing "Ben"

"Long, sure fingers moved in slow, lazy circles from her breasts, down her stomach, down her abdomen, down the curling dark patch of hair, and touched her. Emma bucked, grabbing onto his shoulders at the white hot pulse of lightning which shot through her."

A Matter of Scandal -- Suzanne Enoch

The author unpacked her adjectives. And adverbs. And similes. There was a lot of grammatical luggage.

"He cried out softly, in wonder and adoration at this innocent child who begged for a woman's fulfillment. He lowered her delicately to the cushions, and his eyes were like the eyes of the cheetah during the fateful hunt. He poised above her, all bunched muscle and knotted sinew. She caressed his muscled chest and began to breathe deeply, in a passionate rhythm. He forced her legs to part and his hard stomach brushed her own tender abdomen. Her fingers tightened on his biceps and his now questing shaft slid deliciously inside. Even as he entered her, he hesitated at the mysterious curtain of her womanhood.
She wanted to urge him on, but her voice caught in her throat. The surging violence of their passion hesitated, as storm clouds part to flood the drenched land with moonlight just before the howling gales come again. At this moment, De Rais was no ruffian knight. He was a master of the brush, entering her with a balance of hesitation and force.
Shan T'u breathed in sharply, biting her lip. her throat stung with the bite of Kung's knife. De Rais plunged, deep into her core, shredding the fragile curtain as he had crumpled her silken gown. At this instant, pain and rapture merged, as rocks and water merge in a garden. He was past her torn veil, and he struck now as a warrior strikes. Her legs wrapped around his tremendous thighs and her hips undulated. Again and again the silken rod thrust to her core, filling her. She was consumed in flame and the helpless sensations rocked her in wave upon wave, pouring from her body, drenching her flesh. Then she felt De Rais stiffen as if mortally shot, and white fire rifled through her loins. He moaned like a wounded soldier and shuddered under her clenching hands.
For a long time afterward, she lay nestled in his arms, and her skin sweetly damp against his. Her spine was pillowed in his chest and he kissed the nape of her neck and her shoulder. She touched her lips reverently to his knuckles and fingers and enfolded his hand in both of hers, as she had cuddled her doll when she was a child."

Jade Moon -- Erica Mitchell

Déjà vu cubed

Uncle Walter and The Wife are at the beach for the weekend and we've decided that instead of working our butts off to post something new and exciting for the next few nights, we'd just repost something. Specifically, something that made us laugh. Hope you enjoy this blast from the past!

"As for Jonathon...if you think he's not attracted to that lush, nubile young body of yours then think again, my dear."

We have no response to this. It's just bad.

"Those blazing but oddly cold blue eyes seemed to seer through her dress, their fire heating her skin, their ice freezing her nipples into hard little pebbles."

If Superman can make diamond out of coal...

"Hard, panting bodies, reaching for each other in a strictly primitive passion."

And the Rain in Spain stays mainly in the Plains. Say this one three times fast.

"Sophia had discarded her bra with reluctance, knowing her full breasts had a tendency to jiggle alarmingly when unrestrained."

Some women stuff their tops with tissues. She used Jello. And it scared her.

"Standing there as he was in the moonlight, with his shoulders squared and his fists curled, his chest still rising and falling with the physical effort of that savage swim, he presented an image rather similar, Sophia fancied, to that of a primitive man who'd just forded a flooded river. Soon, he would stride on home to his cave where his woman would be waiting with food cooking over an open fire. But this caveman wouldn't want to eat straight away. He'd been away, after all, for days, seeking out new hunting fields. What he suffered from was hunger of a different kind."

Wilma! I'm home!

"A sob caught in her throat, her eyes squeezing tightly shut against the pressure of his titanic desire seeking entry into her almost virginal body."

Iceberg! Dead ahead!

"When his head tipped back on a low groan, a ray of moonlight slanted across his face, revealing tortured, twisted features."

The Phantom of the Opera was there... inside her... where?

"Jonathon had cast a spell over her, a sensual, sexual spell that was so powerful, no woman could have resisted. Even sitting across from him at the breakfast table was agony."

Cornflakes can be quite awkward.

"Maybe her husband's virility had frightened the life out of her."

Death by threat of sex.

"By the time she was naked before him, her eyes were dilated, her skin flushed with heat, her heart racing madly."

She was either horny, or having a myocardial infarction.

"I'll darling you, you little bitch."

But he meant it in the best possible way.

"'There's naked and there's naked,' she threw back, even as she realised she was becoming aroused underneath the voluminous bathrobe."

And then there's REALLY naked.

"'God, you're not even tall,' she sneered.

Some men just don't measure up.

Bride in Blue -- Miranda Lee

Originally posted on Saturday, August 22, 2009

All we know for certain is that something is mingling. Other than that, we've got no clue.

"She cried out in blinding ecstatic passion again and again until his mouth caught her cries and they mingled with his as their bodies mingled. Gillian was half sobbing, totally losing control and rendered incapable of feeling anything but the white-hot strength-sapping magic that tumbled her like a feather in a hurricane."

Passion's Raging Storm -- Sylvie F. Sommerfield

Jeez! WTF is wrong with this poor woman? Raccoon eyes and flaming... fur?

"She'd opened the curtains, and sunlight blazed into the room, setting each strand of her hair crackling with fire and bleaching away the shadows under her eyes."

And

"The firelight turned her pubic hair to flame."

Taste Me -- Tamara Hogan

P.S. Yes, we used this book yesterday. But can you blame us??

Then he played the fiddle and blamed it on the Christians.

"The Roman's lips found hers. He probed at the soft barrier of her mouth, teasing her lips to part. When they finally did and his tongue met hers, fire exploded within Rhianna, vibrating through her in splintering bursts until it reached the core of her womanhood. The pure, carnal intimacy of his mouth, of his naked body pressed so hotly, so possessively against hers, banished the lingering mists of Rhianna's fears."

Enchant the Heavens -- Kathleen Morgan

How the hell tall was this volcano??? Luckily they regained consciousness at around 15,000 feet. SCIENCE!

"Their bodies shook and grew wet with sweat, and still they climbed the volcano's peak.
Both were lost now in a cataclysmic explosion that ripped their senses and left them drifting in a star-studded blackness, clinging to each other as the only solid form in the void."

Passion's Raging Storm -- Sylvie F. Sommerfield

The problem with not properly grounding your rod

"She bit down on his finger, tugged it playfully, and a shaft of white-hot lightening shot straight to his groin."

Undeniable Rogue -- Annette Blair