Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Quotes

Old Ben Franklin sure was glad he had his skeleton key ampallang!

"He tried to be gentle, to give her that much courtesy, but she surprised him by leaning into his body, opening her mouth for an even deeper kiss that sent ribbons of lightning through his flesh."

Tiger Eye -- Marjorie M. Liu

When you can't get the good one, get the bad one. When you can't get the bad one, get the blob fish.

"Now, this was a seriously dangerous thing, and before he could even complete that thought he felt her slide the clothing off his body and turn like a slippery sea creature under him till she was on top."

Hysterical Blondness -- Suzanne Macpherson

Although... and this is just a friendly word of advice... laughing isn't a particularly good idea, either.

"He snickered, but he didn't really think it was funny. It was just easier to laugh than run screaming from the room. Besides, he was starting to feel sorry for the big-squishy thing."

Smoke and Ashes -- Tanya Huff

Wait, is this anything like a werewolf, on rollerblades, juggling bowling pins?

"Sheila gasped as the entire monster slide inside her and soon she was bucking and rearing like a bitch in heat riding the horse of her life."

Four Can Play That Game -- Denise Smith

P.S. That's their typo, not ours.

And, like the mystical Pheonix, her hyman would rise again, fresh and new, to be taken once more.

"Her legs were slightly parted, giving him a most enticing view of the paradise between, and her breasts were swollen, her nipples still hard. Her skin was flushed, and not from the firelight. He had put that rosy glow on her body. And with that marvelous auburn hair falling in wild curls around her shoulders, she seemed to be a creature of flame. Flame and passion."

Love's Magic Spell -- Wendy Garrett

He had just the humanoid-vegetative-phallus she was looking for.

"Her blood was on fire, her breasts tingling with anticipation, her belly taut with lust, her woman's center aching to be filled with her lover's manroot."

 A Woman of Passion -- Virginia Henley

Ouch my eyes! It's like being shot in the eyes by a glitter gun!

"He did not know what, only that he exploded with an orgasm so powerful his back arched, his muscles swelling, contracting, a roped ripple that made him go blind with pleasure."

Tiger Eye -- Marjorie M. Liu

Happiness can only be exemplified with a leathery, herbivorous, semi-aquatic mammal

"Our magical, culturally meaningless evening looms before me like a sweet hippopotamus of joy."

Undead and Unpopular -- Mary Janice Davidson

Driven mad with excitement, Mr. Toad embarked on an uproarious journey toward nowhere in particular... and she was along for the ride.

"He took her on a wild ride, the thunder and excitement of their bodies oblivious to only themselves and the heat they generated. Sparks flew like embers from the Beltane fires. Wild and heady and headlong into a furious frenzy of desire."

A Knight to Remember -- Karin Tabke

And an uppercut of lust split his lip as he nursed third degree burns

"A fist of need slammed hard into his belly as she heated to a blaze in his arms."

On Thin Ice -- Eve Gaddy