Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Quotes

Déjà vu

Uncle Walter and The Wife are at the beach for the weekend and we've decided that instead of working our butts off to post something new and exciting for the next few nights, we'd just repost something. Specifically, something that made us laugh. Hope you enjoy this blast from the past!

"'When you take me to bed," she choked out, 'it is never just the two of us. Your father is always there.'"

The Duke and I -- Julia Quinn

Originally posted on Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Upon hearing that, Oedipus knew this would not end well.

"'We can't!'
And though his whole body ached for release, he stopped. She lay trembling before him, her eyes heavy lidded with passion and her lips swollen from his kisses, her bare breasts taut and flushed, and her legs still sprawled wantonly apart. Despite what she said, here was the proof that her body wanted his, that she craved him with the same desperation he felt for her.
Morbleu, he would give ten years of his life to be able to lose himself in her! Unable to keep away, he reached for her again, his Jerusa, his salvation --
Desperately she shook her head, her eyes wild. 'For God's sake, Michel,' she cried, 'do you wish me to become like your mother?'"

The Sparhawk Bride -- Miranda Jarrett

At Sex U, our faculty and staff are dedicated to your academic and career development.

"Chris rolled over on the towel and leaned his head on his hand, 'My darling, I think you have just graduated from soccer mom to MILF!'"

Confessions of a Slut Wife -- Laura B. Cooper

Ama fratrem tuum semper, don't Ama fratrem tuum semper

"Hell, just talking to his brothers on the phone was enough to bring on a raging erection."

Zane's Way -- Maggie Casper

File under: Conversations that should have taken place 30 minutes earlier.

"Jake returned a minute later wearing his pants and shirt. He gestured toward the easy chair looking almost as uncomfortable as I felt. 'Let’s figure out if we’re related, shall we?'"

The After Party -- Wynter Daniels

You can take the man out of South Carolina...

"I had just gotten to the point where I didn't have to remind myself to not think about her. I could finally kiss a woman and not compare her to my sister."

Ain't No Sunshine -- Leslie DuBois

Just because something doesn’t love you the way you want it to, doesn’t mean it doesn’t love you with all it has. Including its udders.

"Ethel would frig a bull or a goat, and when milking a favorite cow, would suddenly persuade Frank to lift her in his arms, where she would lay extended on her back, and raising her clothes, would frig herself with the cow's teats, the milk from which would flow into her ravenous cunt to be afterwards sucked out by her brother."

 

The Power of Mesmerism A Highly Erotic Narrative of Voluptuous Facts and Fancies -- Anonymous

Oh, Dear God, what is that thing?!?!

"It must have been some family joke, I decided when I'd collapsed on the bed again and got my first good look at what Jessie was packing.  I thought for a handful of seconds that the poor man was just deformed and had a third, slightly atrophied leg."

Submission -- Kimberly Zant

Dr. Emmett Brown's Flux Capacitor flavored Lip Gloss: What to wear on a date with your mom.

"Her lips tasted of tomorrow."

Moonbow in the Mist -- Dia Hunter

When I kiss you, it's kinda like... I'm kissing my brother.

"He broke the kiss. 'You taste like I know you.'"

The Greek's Christmas Baby -- Lucy Monroe