Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Quotes

Talk about the "elephant" in the room. She wasn't complaining.

"Her eyes were fixed on the part of Andrew that had just been revealed like it was a novelty in a curiosity shop."

Intentions of the Earl -- Rose Gordon

Everybody says you've got Great Balls of Fire

"Your nuts pull close to your body and expand into red hot bowling balls."

The Second Person -- Alessia Brio

At Sex U, our faculty and staff are dedicated to your academic and career development.

"Chris rolled over on the towel and leaned his head on his hand, 'My darling, I think you have just graduated from soccer mom to MILF!'"

Confessions of a Slut Wife -- Laura B. Cooper

Why you should never call it "screwing" to someone who used a "Sit 'N Spin" as a kid.

"She sank on him, taking him slowly inside her, circling to work her way down his length until at last she sat flush against his groin."

Arctic Dragon -- Delilah Devlin (Royal Bondage)

Sexual Origami: Bend it like Buddha

"Almost folding her completely in on herself, he made love to her as if possessed."

Slow Burn -- E.B. Walters

Lumberjack Lactivists hold Nurse-In and Log-Roll on the steps of the Capitol Building

"With his broad shoulders, long muscled legs, and big, uh, nipples, he could have been a lumberjack slumming in the state capital."

Undead and Unpopular -- Mary Janice Davidson

From the moment she answered "Playing the Squeezebox", Weird Al Yankovick's career path was set

"By the way, what do you girls call it? Jilling off? Tweaking the captain? Strumming the biscuit?"

Amateur Night -- Holden Granger

When they'd play "Little Pope" he'd pull his foreskin up like a hat.

"Finally a cry broke from her throat as she felt Geoffrey's body spasm in release and his seed flow into her like a benediction."

Fatal Crown -- Ellen Jones

The Cake Is A Lie

"And then, like wet, gooey icing on an already delicious cake, Jordan bent over her, sliding one hand around her hip to sink his big fingers into her pussy."

Lynda's Lace (City Heat, Book One) -- Lacey Alexander

After a good gambol he liked to put her fuzzy clam on his tummy and crack her open to get to the meaty goodness inside.

"Her hands slid over his cock, which had begun to spring into action with the very first glance his way. He gave in to the hazy mindlessness, wrapping his arms around her in an embrace as he propelled them, swirling through the water like ecstatic sea otters. In the weightlessness of water, his strong muscles held them together, and her long legs wrapped around him as he drove into her until he plummeted into the abyss of climax."

Siren -- Delle Jacobs