Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Quotes

His laser of love had her honey-slicked juice box bursting into a fiery flower of fun-pudding

"Eliza gasped, managed to strangle the scream of pleasure that rose up her throat. Vaguely thought that he should have warned her as her body bowed and streams of white-hot sensation lanced through her, deep into her, coursing down to tighten something low in her body to pool and spread there."

In Pursuit of Eliza Cynster -- Stephanie Laurens

The Boerie Bjorn, a modern new way to carry your cock in comfort!

"She used both hands to make a sling out of the dress, then captured his penis in its cradle."

Good to the Last Bite -- Crystal Green

When in the throes of pleasure, one calls out to the deity of their choice. Or that deity's testicles, as the case may be.

"'I've wanted you longer than you know' -- she guided him to her, thrusting her hips until he swore and began to push inside her -- 'and now I'm of a mind to show you how much.'
And she did, seeking his lips, then sighing contentedly when he slanted his mouth over hers, kissing her fiercely. He reached down between them, stroking and rubbing her as he finally thrust deep.
'Odin's Balls!'"

Sins of a Highland Devil -- Sue-Ellen Welfonder 

He was a Twatter Squater

"This time he intended to sheath the iron heat of his sex as deep inside her as he could. And stay there."

Unforgettable -- Meryl Sawyer

The seminal load has reached the waginal wessel!

"Her whole being was overtaken by a series of shuddering ripples which made her shake and tremble. She gave herself to them, tossing her head from side to side, flinging her arms out, crying aloud, and her moans were soon joined by a sighing groan from Rory as he reached his climax and jettisoned his pearls into the seabed of her womb."

Sweet Temptation -- Caroline Standish

She's talking about her vagina. No, really. We're not joking.

"Her sheath was on fire."

Burning Wild -- Christine Feehan

Cannibalism promises to do for vegetables what veganism did for domesticated animals.

"Her hungry little mouth devoured his chest, bit by bit, small white teeth nipping, plump lips working, pointy tongue tormenting."

Everything she Does is Magick -- Maggie Shane (Bewitched)

I wanna fuck you like an animal. Specifically, a cat. Barbed penis and all.

"Then he showed her how to move her body; how to open her inner muscles for him. He became hissing cat and sensual man; purring feline and demanding lover."

Mine to Take -- Dara Joy

Armadillos have no sense of decorum. None at all. GET A ROOM!

"The orgasmic moans coming from behind Callie were too loud and impassioned for her to ignore any longer."

Candy Store -- Bella Andre

Had to keep the Mongols out somehow.

"Their bodies locked as the spasms rocked through them like shots of lightening. His final thrusts going so deep it felt like he'd found a wall inside her body."

Best Night Ever -- Keara Kevay