Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Quotes

She was flocking it. It's called a Sno Blower.

"She's probably been the easiest lay of his life, screaming like a banshee and coming more than... More than Santa Claus in the damn song."

More Naughty Than Nice -- Julie Kistler

When you can't get the good one, get the bad one. When you can't get the bad one, get the blob fish.

"Now, this was a seriously dangerous thing, and before he could even complete that thought he felt her slide the clothing off his body and turn like a slippery sea creature under him till she was on top."

Hysterical Blondness -- Suzanne Macpherson

Fortunately she had a twat the size of Alaska to accommodate him.

"If it hadn't been for the backlit flames in his eyes or the uneven breathing, she probably would have been ticked, but Mr. I Feel Nothing had a hard-on bigger than Texas."

Just Let Go -- Kathleen O'Reilly

Happiness can only be exemplified with a leathery, herbivorous, semi-aquatic mammal

"Our magical, culturally meaningless evening looms before me like a sweet hippopotamus of joy."

Undead and Unpopular -- Mary Janice Davidson

If they have to tell you it's in? Then it's not in.

 "It was fantastic. Mind-blowing. You're a great lover, Ryan. Your cock is so big and hard. You got me so fucking wet just now. It almost felt like you were really fucking me."

Sex Stalker -- Darren G. Burton

I swear to God you could drown a toddler in my panties right now. I mean... not that you would

"Her juices spilled from her vagina, gathered on the folds of her pussy and tormented her clit with the moisture."

Dawn's Awakening -- Lora Leigh

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"'Or maybe,' he continued, his gaze fixed on Hunter, his mouth grim, 'maybe you want your own mouthful of man juice.'"

Going All In -- Jess Dee

Ama fratrem tuum semper, don't Ama fratrem tuum semper

"Hell, just talking to his brothers on the phone was enough to bring on a raging erection."

Zane's Way -- Maggie Casper

What if you'd replaced your K-Y® with As33?!

"You might have been booby-trapped. Had a pussy full of poison or something."

Catch a Falling Star -- Allyson James

And the woman's red glare saw sperm bursting in air! Proof in the night that the condom's not there!

"A howl ripped through him with the mind-blowing force of his release, and he watched helplessly as stream after scalding stream of his seed exploded over her quivering belly to drip on the bed."

Hanging by a Moment -- Susie Charles