Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Quotes

Old Ben Franklin sure was glad he had his skeleton key ampallang!

"He tried to be gentle, to give her that much courtesy, but she surprised him by leaning into his body, opening her mouth for an even deeper kiss that sent ribbons of lightning through his flesh."

Tiger Eye -- Marjorie M. Liu

Fortunately she had a twat the size of Alaska to accommodate him.

"If it hadn't been for the backlit flames in his eyes or the uneven breathing, she probably would have been ticked, but Mr. I Feel Nothing had a hard-on bigger than Texas."

Just Let Go -- Kathleen O'Reilly

Wait, is this anything like a werewolf, on rollerblades, juggling bowling pins?

"Sheila gasped as the entire monster slide inside her and soon she was bucking and rearing like a bitch in heat riding the horse of her life."

Four Can Play That Game -- Denise Smith

P.S. That's their typo, not ours.

And, like the mystical Pheonix, her hyman would rise again, fresh and new, to be taken once more.

"Her legs were slightly parted, giving him a most enticing view of the paradise between, and her breasts were swollen, her nipples still hard. Her skin was flushed, and not from the firelight. He had put that rosy glow on her body. And with that marvelous auburn hair falling in wild curls around her shoulders, she seemed to be a creature of flame. Flame and passion."

Love's Magic Spell -- Wendy Garrett

He had just the humanoid-vegetative-phallus she was looking for.

"Her blood was on fire, her breasts tingling with anticipation, her belly taut with lust, her woman's center aching to be filled with her lover's manroot."

 A Woman of Passion -- Virginia Henley

Ouch my eyes! It's like being shot in the eyes by a glitter gun!

"He did not know what, only that he exploded with an orgasm so powerful his back arched, his muscles swelling, contracting, a roped ripple that made him go blind with pleasure."

Tiger Eye -- Marjorie M. Liu

Thank God he took out all his intestinal tinder before they began!

"Each time Matt thrust into him, Vic felt as if his lover's thick cock struck sparks off his tender prostate."

Parking Lot Hero -- J.M. Snyder

P.S. Link is not for this title, but another book by this author.

Everybody says you've got Great Balls of Fire

"Your nuts pull close to your body and expand into red hot bowling balls."

The Second Person -- Alessia Brio

His dick wick was saturated in her love gas and the friction caused a burn

"Resa rose onto her knees and rubbed the head against her wet sex, creating a burn that ran down his length into his balls and spread like wildfire throughout his body."

An Unwanted Hunger -- Ciana Stone

We gonna make some cooch chili or what?

"Her female places went molten—she swore there was lava down there."

Double Trouble -- Allyson James