Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Quotes

The seminal load has reached the waginal wessel!

"Her whole being was overtaken by a series of shuddering ripples which made her shake and tremble. She gave herself to them, tossing her head from side to side, flinging her arms out, crying aloud, and her moans were soon joined by a sighing groan from Rory as he reached his climax and jettisoned his pearls into the seabed of her womb."

Sweet Temptation -- Caroline Standish

Jello Boobs loved Two Cocks, and they expressed it on inflatable swim rafts. Maybe? Fuck if we can tell.

"His mouth traveled down from her gently jiggling breasts to her belly, and down the tangled mound of her womanhood where she was parted by his loving. Her body arched to his lips with the pleasure.
'I want you to know, Eileen,' he said hoarsely, 'that I want you now.'
His hands cupped her naked breasts and squeezed.
He was quick and subtle and strong and sure. She never knew at what point he became as naked as she, but then she felt his huge manhood stark and pulsating pound and prod her loins, seeking their natural goal.
And her thighs parted for him and she let him come to her, because all she could think about was that melting feeling in her, that hot craving that had to be satisfied.
They were together then on the float. The float rocked gently. Vaguely she could hear the water slapping against its sides. And then she felt the sudden deep stab of his huge, turgid object and a small piercing cry escaped her, as the pulsating hardness forced deep in her.
And then they were moving in cadence, harder and faster, as their passions built with the intimate connection.
She lunged with him, dizzy and with it, the surging rhythm of his love-making, and harder and faster his invasion flamed and burned her core, till he built up, stiffened and flared his completion, the jetting spurts gushed and flamed her core, again and again, and again."

Art Colony Perverts -- Cal De Feo

Déjà vu, too

Uncle Walter and The Wife are at the beach for the weekend and we've decided that instead of working our butts off to post something new and exciting for the next few nights, we'd just repost something. Specifically, something that made us laugh. Hope you enjoy this blast from the past!

"But she was so hot and slick, and she clung to him like a treed cat and whispered hot promises of a future he wanted so bad he could taste it. And he began to thrust more emphatically, to twist against her at the apex of each lunge like a tomcat stropping against the first person to ever offer a friendly hand."

Reader submission by yeehaw5977
Uncle Walter is not responsible for the accuracy of reader submissions.  In other words, if it's wrong, it ain't his fault!

Coming Undone -- Susan Andersen

Originally posted on Sunday, August 2, 2009

Alternately titled "How Do I Anatomy?"

"Calling on her thrice-weekly pilates training, she constricted her core muscles, her glutes flexing so she could grip him tight, like a fist, as he slid inside her."

Followed later by:

"The angle change meant the length of his cock now slid against her G-spot, that electrified, pleasure-charged sensor sending tight, tingling spirals of pleasure up, higher and higher in her belly."

A SEAL's Seduction -- Tawny Weber

Darn Red Cross robocalls! Always interrupting Sexy Times and Anemia Day.

"His whole body seized, feelings of pleasure twisting within him, the power rebounding. He shouldn't fight it, he knew that, but it went against his nature to give in, and so he tried to hold out against the blood's call."

Bewitching the Werewolf -- Caroline Hanson

She wasn't little, Dutch, or a boy, and he wasn't a dyke, but someone was gonna have to plug that leak.

"She jerked, her eyelids fluttered and her pussy muscles spasmed around his still-spewing cock."

A Wanton's Thief -- Titania Ladley

She was responsible for 3 prior twerking related injuries. He was not standing for her shit tonight.

"I rode his dick like a stallion, feeling my ass jiggling out of control. He grabbed my fat ass and slapped it until it stung with pleasure."

The Millionaire Mistress -- Tiphani Montgomery

She thought she was in good hands... arms... bothria... Never trust cephalopods.

 "The pleasure/pain sent tentacles of sensation to every part of her body.

'Ahhh...' she screamed. Air left her lungs in a rush, as her inner muscles clamped down on both men. Spasms made her body jerk over and over again, as her orgasm ripped through her like she was being torn in two."

Bound for the Holidays -- Mackenzie McKade

Is it wrong that all we picture is his penis bouncing around to Gangnam Style? We hope not.

"He whipped the covers off her and stood there, long hard cock twitching and bobbing, his gaze hungry and dark."

Her Dark Angel -- Felicity Heaton

The use of adjectives in this paragraph has reached creepy, "Single White Female" levels of stalkerishness.

"Her loins throbbed with tingling spasms when his warm breath fanned her ultra-sensitive flesh. She nearly leaped off the bed at the riotously pleasurable sensations skittering through her when his thumb began to intimately stroke her damp arousal."

Wild for You -- Sophia Knightly