Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Quotes

Old Ben Franklin sure was glad he had his skeleton key ampallang!

"He tried to be gentle, to give her that much courtesy, but she surprised him by leaning into his body, opening her mouth for an even deeper kiss that sent ribbons of lightning through his flesh."

Tiger Eye -- Marjorie M. Liu

Le L'aine du Cirque

"Her hormones were flipping like acrobats in the far recesses of her groin."

A Touch of Silk -- Lori Wilde

Wait, is this anything like a werewolf, on rollerblades, juggling bowling pins?

"Sheila gasped as the entire monster slide inside her and soon she was bucking and rearing like a bitch in heat riding the horse of her life."

Four Can Play That Game -- Denise Smith

P.S. That's their typo, not ours.

Ouch my eyes! It's like being shot in the eyes by a glitter gun!

"He did not know what, only that he exploded with an orgasm so powerful his back arched, his muscles swelling, contracting, a roped ripple that made him go blind with pleasure."

Tiger Eye -- Marjorie M. Liu

Listen to me. Do NOT go into the light. Stop where you are. Turn away from it. Don't even look at it.

"Then pain had gone and all was movement into moist warm enfolding flesh, a thrusting into darkness, a struggle toward the light that was there, attainable, suddenly blazing, convulsing him in recurring waves of shock only to abandon him and leave him lying spent on top of her naked body."

The Ripening Time -- Catherine MacLeod

A hammer with a chisel?!?!? Damn you Charles Brady King why didn't you stick to cars?!?!?!

"He desperately longed to run his tongue over her lower lip, to taste her, to explore her, but didn’t quite dare, given her earlier comments about jackhammers."

In The Mood -- Ellen Fisher

After rendering the testicles mute, his phallus jerked with rage and then spit.

"His cock was yelling at him, his swollen balls no longer able to speak."

Dragon Race -- Barbara Elsborg (Love Bites)
(The link is not for this particular book, since, sadly, it doesn't seem available on Amazon.com, but here is another of her books.)

How the hell are they kissing?

"It was a chaste press of lips because Frost was that uncomfortable in front of all these strangers. Plus, I was wearing a red lipstick that would smear like clown makeup if we did a tonsil-cleaning kiss."

"What do you do when a man lets the whole world see just how much your kiss affects him? Why, kiss him again, of course. Which I did, and this time I didn’t worry about clown makeup, or the queen’s orders."

"We had red lipstick smeared over both our faces, but we were sidhe, and one of the lesser powers we possessed was glamour. A little concentration, and I simply made my lipstick look perfect, though I could feel it smeared around my mouth. I spilled the small magic across Frost’s face, so that he looked as he had before, and not like he’d laid his face into a pot of red paint and rubbed back and forth."

"It was a soft, chaste kiss, I think because he knew if he kissed me too hard, I'd lose my hold on the glamour that kept Frost and me from looking like lipstick casualties."

"I dropped the glamour on me and on Frost, so that the lipstick smeared across our faces."

A Stroke of Midnight -- Laurell K. Hamilton

Aren't paybacks a bitch?

"Ryan ran his tongue over the soft skin of her back while he twisted her nipples in his fingertips.
Melissa rode him hard, breathing fast and panting loudly as she rose up and down on him in a blur of activity. Her hand reached between his legs and grabbed hold of his heavy sack. She used it as a handle as she continued to buck and bounce.
With a sudden urge, Ryan pushed her off him."

Sex Stalker 2: Exposed -- Darren G. Burton

Do a deer, a female deer; Ray, a drop of golden cum....

"His secret to staving off the load that felt like it was pooling like lava somewhere between his asshole and his balls was in rhythm -- musical rhythm to be exact. He was pounding out a number one song, and if there was one thing he could do it was keep time to music."

Best Night Ever -- Keara Kevay