Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Quotes

What if you'd replaced your K-Y® with As33?!

"You might have been booby-trapped. Had a pussy full of poison or something."

Catch a Falling Star -- Allyson James

But getting the ground tiger penis into the Baby Bottle Pop® was proving problematic.

"She heard a slurp and a pop, and she imagined him licking her juices off his finger."

Chemistry to Burn -- Lacey Savage (Feral Heat)

Seriously, it's time to consult a doctor. This is becoming more than a "little" problem.

"Not even the tease of a little bondage had gotten his cock to wake from its deathlike sleep."

Samson's Lovely Mortal -- Tina Folsom

You're telling me that the North Pole is now somewhere in Wisconsin?

"At the touch of his mouth against hers, lightening struck. The earth quaked. The world as Chrissy knew shifted on its axis."

Simmer All Night -- Geralyn Dawson

Once you pop, you can't stop

"Clearly she'd lost her mind.
But Kyra didn't stop. His kisses were like potato chips; she couldn't stop at one."

Skin Game -- Ava Gray

Middle Aged Stone Ninja Sluts II: The Secret of the Ooze

Painful pleasure oozed through her pussy.

Curse of the Gargoyle -- Tara Nina

Thib Ooo Eee Kee Eee Foo? Oh Thip. Caw Nime Uhn Uhn.

"Her mouth was soft against his, and --
That cinnamony, slightly coppery taste seemed to numb the back of his tongue. No, actually it tingled -- not unlike how his mouth felt when eating kiwi fruit. But that had been a slight allergic reaction."

Hidden By Blood -- Laurie London

Tubocurarine Mouthwash: The quickest way to end a bad date

"His tongue laved over the first crest, pulling it into his mouth while darts of something shot straight to her core, ripping a groan from her throat."

Sold to the Highest Bidder -- Donna Alward

Agent 000 never did find out just what Morocco did to her...

"He could sleep, but when he woke up his wife was sitting there staring like a zombie, sometimes intoning weird, depressing things about moles."

The Ugly Cock Dance -- Mary Gaitskill (Wet: More Aqua Erotica)

This is the age of knowing how to make things happen. So why would you let something like erectile dysfunction get in your way?

"'I CAN'T GET IT UP,' Tawny said, her frustration evident in the way she shoved her hair back off her brow. 'Do you want to give it a try?'"

Daring in the dark -- Jennifer LaBrecque