Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Quotes

But getting the ground tiger penis into the Baby Bottle Pop® was proving problematic.

"She heard a slurp and a pop, and she imagined him licking her juices off his finger."

Chemistry to Burn -- Lacey Savage (Feral Heat)

Brawndo. The Hymen Mutilator. It's got what virgin's crave.

"She might be a virgin, but she was also a doctor, and she understood what her body craved. "

Love In Bloom -- Karen Rose Smith

Your diaphragm's ugly and you look like a shark brain!

"He shuddered in her arms as the rapid pulsing of his cock teased her womb."

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Cowboy Up -- Vicki Lewis Thompson

Wrong head.

"He was so long and so hard, it was difficult to manage, but she craved blowing his mind."

Fierce Dawn -- Amber Scott

If only she'd remembered the difference between an IED and an IUD before her yearly exam.

"Lyric's clit felt like it was going to explode as she pumped against his erection."

Lyric's Cop -- Jory Strong

Sex Wars Episode III:Revenge of the Vaginas

"His hips bucked against her and his cock slipped inside just enough to make Trace almost plead for death."

Supernatural Bonds: Trace's Psychic -- Jory Strong

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Seriously, it's time to consult a doctor. This is becoming more than a "little" problem.

"Not even the tease of a little bondage had gotten his cock to wake from its deathlike sleep."

Samson's Lovely Mortal -- Tina Folsom

A hammer with a chisel?!?!? Damn you Charles Brady King why didn't you stick to cars?!?!?!

"He desperately longed to run his tongue over her lower lip, to taste her, to explore her, but didn’t quite dare, given her earlier comments about jackhammers."

In The Mood -- Ellen Fisher

File under: Conversations that should have taken place 30 minutes earlier.

"Jake returned a minute later wearing his pants and shirt. He gestured toward the easy chair looking almost as uncomfortable as I felt. 'Let’s figure out if we’re related, shall we?'"

The After Party -- Wynter Daniels

She had to wait a few hours to remove the dead bees from her vagina. She didn't want all that work to be for nothing!

"He murmered more words, like 'bee' and 'honey', but all she could think of was the honey that was already pooling in her crotch from the most erotic thing she had ever done."

Dance of the Seven Veils -- Cris Anson