Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Quotes

I don't have time for this. I can't wait if your wiener is pulling a scared turtle.

“A little thing like that’s not much use to anybody. It’s a wonder you can even pee with it.”

The Ripening Time -- Catherine MacLeod

Old Ben Franklin sure was glad he had his skeleton key ampallang!

"He tried to be gentle, to give her that much courtesy, but she surprised him by leaning into his body, opening her mouth for an even deeper kiss that sent ribbons of lightning through his flesh."

Tiger Eye -- Marjorie M. Liu

Okay, Weaver, listen carefully. You can hold on to your red snapper or you can go for what's in the box!

"She had what his father used to call 'a snapper'. She had control over that pussy."

Fuckstrated -- Junnita Jackson

Le L'aine du Cirque

"Her hormones were flipping like acrobats in the far recesses of her groin."

A Touch of Silk -- Lori Wilde

Fortunately she had a twat the size of Alaska to accommodate him.

"If it hadn't been for the backlit flames in his eyes or the uneven breathing, she probably would have been ticked, but Mr. I Feel Nothing had a hard-on bigger than Texas."

Just Let Go -- Kathleen O'Reilly

Talk about the "elephant" in the room. She wasn't complaining.

"Her eyes were fixed on the part of Andrew that had just been revealed like it was a novelty in a curiosity shop."

Intentions of the Earl -- Rose Gordon

Although... and this is just a friendly word of advice... laughing isn't a particularly good idea, either.

"He snickered, but he didn't really think it was funny. It was just easier to laugh than run screaming from the room. Besides, he was starting to feel sorry for the big-squishy thing."

Smoke and Ashes -- Tanya Huff

Wait, is this anything like a werewolf, on rollerblades, juggling bowling pins?

"Sheila gasped as the entire monster slide inside her and soon she was bucking and rearing like a bitch in heat riding the horse of her life."

Four Can Play That Game -- Denise Smith

P.S. That's their typo, not ours.

He had just the humanoid-vegetative-phallus she was looking for.

"Her blood was on fire, her breasts tingling with anticipation, her belly taut with lust, her woman's center aching to be filled with her lover's manroot."

 A Woman of Passion -- Virginia Henley

This is the gulag Vagra Pussthe. There is no stockade, no guard tower. Only a magnetic shield prevents beaming.

"He locked eyes with her, and felt an almost electric jolt of desire that sent his cock twitching inside its fleshy prison."

The Aliens -- Scott Allen (Sizzling Stories of Sci-Fi Sex)