Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Quotes

Trojan® Bib and Burp Cloths - Keep your little man clean on and off the job

"Pre cum was dribbling from the tip, dripping onto the floor."

Sex Stalker -- Darren G. Burton

Old Ben Franklin sure was glad he had his skeleton key ampallang!

"He tried to be gentle, to give her that much courtesy, but she surprised him by leaning into his body, opening her mouth for an even deeper kiss that sent ribbons of lightning through his flesh."

Tiger Eye -- Marjorie M. Liu

Le L'aine du Cirque

"Her hormones were flipping like acrobats in the far recesses of her groin."

A Touch of Silk -- Lori Wilde

She was so hot for him that she could reheat chili in her cooch. Mm... Cooch Chili...

"He wasted no time in shedding her sexy lingerie on the carpet and lowering his mouth to feast on her delectable twat. He ate her out voraciously, like he was starved to drink her delicious nectar."

Bridget's Boy Toy -- Elain Shuel

I swear to God you could drown a toddler in my panties right now. I mean... not that you would

"Her juices spilled from her vagina, gathered on the folds of her pussy and tormented her clit with the moisture."

Dawn's Awakening -- Lora Leigh

Which is why all of those people try so hard to bring Sexy Time to the discount stores.

"Wal-Mart. Nothing remotely erotic about Wal-Mart, right? Not much erotic about Target or Kmart or a dozen other stores, either, but Wal-Mart was open 24-7!"

La Vida Vampire -- Nancy Haddock

P.S. Click the link in the caption. We dare you.

Role playing was one thing, but that horned helmet hurt like hell!

"Jutting arrogantly from the golden crop of hair was an up-tilted angry-looking erection to make any Viking plunderer proud."

Blow (Oral Fixation) -- Hanna Lui

It was the proposed chest hair addition to the costume that caused Clooney to walk.

"She found the tough male nipple beneath the dark mat of curls, and her tongue and teeth gently bedeviled the rubbery tip."

Calculated Risk -- Elaine Raco Chase

Formal testicular wear comes in a variety of colors and styles, including the new "Harry Potter" model

"I ran my hands over him, the shaft of him as soft as most men's balls, and the skin of his testicles like something made of satin. I had no words for the fineness of the skin between his legs. It was softer than a dream, like a bag made to hold something magical."

Seduced By Moonlight -- Laurell K. Hamilton

Knock off crotch bags just don't cut it. You really need to go designer if you want sturdy scrotal captivity.

"If that little bag holding his cock and balls were any tighter, he’d burst the seams."

Brianna -- Judy Mays