Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Quotes

Thank God he took out all his intestinal tinder before they began!

"Each time Matt thrust into him, Vic felt as if his lover's thick cock struck sparks off his tender prostate."

Parking Lot Hero -- J.M. Snyder

P.S. Link is not for this title, but another book by this author.

Do my kisses burn? Do they take your breath? You've got a lesson to learn now... I'm the kiss of death!

"Her body clenched around him, then quaked as her orgasm slammed into her, ripping through her aching heart, flaying her wounded soul until nothing was left but the honesty of the moment." 

My Christmas Wish -- Ember Case

The Tale of Lemmiwinks was an inspiration to small mammals and reptiles everywhere.

"He entered me again and again, and every time, his cock grew longer. After the twentieth thrust, an unusual but extremely pleasurable thing happened. I felt his colossal cock wander throughout my body, finally going up my esophagus and emerging out of my mouth.
I looked down, my eyes straining to focus. The crown of his mouth was now dangling out of my mouth, as though to say hi. It looked like a tiny snake, but I knew it was no snake."

The Magic Cock in Gay Heaven -- Nathan J. Morissey

Then he blamed it on the imaginary dog. Even he didn't believe himself.

"Sitting alone in the living room, Rich looked around the room. "Why am I talking to myself?"
"Why am I answering?"
He popped the last bite of celery in his mouth and sat upright letting his gas loose.
Pfffffft.
"Excuse me."
"It's all right."
"Why am I excusing myself when I am alone?"
"I don't know, but this is scary."
"Echoooo."
"Fuck it, I need some porn!"

Broken -- S.L. Carpenter (Master of Secret Desires)

Do a deer, a female deer; Ray, a drop of golden cum....

"His secret to staving off the load that felt like it was pooling like lava somewhere between his asshole and his balls was in rhythm -- musical rhythm to be exact. He was pounding out a number one song, and if there was one thing he could do it was keep time to music."

Best Night Ever -- Keara Kevay

If you go in the back door without knocking, you'll often find the front door locked for a month.

"Lying on her back, Stacey instructed him to enter her. Looking him deep in the eyes, she said, 'I want you inside me.'

Will smiled, as he grabbed his hard cock and drove it inside her.

'Fuck!' shrieked Stacey, as she recoiled in agony. 

'What is it?' inquired Will, with a concerned look in his eyes.

'Wrong hole,' said Stacey, winching in pain. '…Wrong fucking hole, Will.'"

 Trashy Erotica: Swingers Squared -- Adrianna White

*Their typo, not ours.

I'm coming! It's not funny! My ass is on fire!

"He felt as if everything from his butt to his ears were on fire."

Speed Dating -- Nancy Warren

That's when he learned he was lactose intolerant. Can you say "awkward"?

"Her pussy was wildly hairy, and when he parted the hair to get to her vagina, the smell and the sight of 'cheesecake' made him want to puke."

Best Night Ever -- Keara Kevay

Comma, Comma, Comma, Comma, Comma-chameleon, you cum and go, you cum and go-o-o-o

"I climb to my feet, and move them forward, giving myself more leverage over her, allowing me to slam into her with more force, fucking her as she’s screaming, then pushing her head into the carpet as I stand crouched above her and fuck her pussy from behind, hammering her, making her scream some more, and then I’m right there, just moments away, and I keep pounding, keep pounding, trying to push myself over the edge and then she says, 'Cum for me, baby, cum all over me,' and my asshole tightens up and I feel a little tremor move through my body and then another one, more powerful this time, and then the urge is just too great, I’m going to cum, and I’m pulling out and ejaculating all over her back, a huge load, painting her tan, muscular back with white jizz."

My Little Plaything -- JT Holland (Confessions of an Escort Addict Vol. 2)

He'd bought Under-Ease in bulk and a couple bottles of Beano®

"Do you think I'd buy a whole case of beans and no protection in preperation for taking you with me into the mountains?"

Skin Tight -- Ava Gray

P.S. Click the link. Really.