"'I know what you're thinking: cocky bastard! Asshole! A legend in his own mind! All true exclamations, my dear. But guess what? cocky bastard or not, if I were to lick you, nice and slow, right on your sweet button, the way you deserve to be licked, the way you've only ever dreamed of being licked, the way no man has ever done for you before, I guarantee it'd take me less than four minutes to deliver you unto pure ecstasy that would make you surrender to me, totally and completely.' I smile to myself.
'Yes, My Beautiful Intake Agent, if I were there to teach you what your body's divinely designed to do, you'd be forced to admit an immutable truth, whether you wanted to or not: In addition to me being one cocky-bastard-asshole-son-of-a-bitch motherfucker, I'm also the man of your dreams.'"
"This email is not an official Club communication. In fact, if anyone at The Club ever found out about it, I'd lose my job faster than I could say 'my sweet button' or 'petals falling off a flower' or 'plunging into me like a hot knife in warm butter,' or, perhaps, my favorite, 'cocky-bastard-asshole-son-of-a-bitch motherfucker.'"
"Actually, I just wanted to hate you, you cocky bastard asshole motherfucker."
"Now, before you start gloating or jacking off or doing whatever it is a cocky bastard like you does to celebrate your sexual godliness, let me tell you a few more truths -- the ones you might not like quite as much as the above entries."
"Perhaps every single woman you've ever been with has appeared to come during sex with the Magical Fuck Wizard himself, but, statistically speaking, at least ten percent of them are lying to you."
"Thanks to that application, she knows better than anyone -- literally, anyone -- just what a cocky-bastard-asshole-son-of-a-bitch motherfucker I really am."
"Why don't you read your cocky-motherfucker-asshole message to me?"
"Where's the cocky bastard motherfucker I am night and day with everyone else? That cocky fucker executes high-risk-high-reward strategies on a daily basis and climbs mountains with his bare fucking hands. He's the fucker, not the fuckee."
"I might be a cocky-son-of-a bitch-asshole, but I'm not a total and complete dick, okay?"
"You're a cocky-asshole-motherfucker, you know that?"
The Club -- Lauren Rowe