Give me a hammer and a sock and stand back!

"'Oh God, Charles, you feel incredible. You're like a rock inside me.'
His voice was tortured.  'You feel wonderful, too, love.  So soft and hot and snug.'"

Lovers and Other Lunatics -- Eugenia Riley

Comments

[Matt]

'Oh God, Charles, you feel incredible. You're like a rock inside me.'

What he didn't tell her was that he was weilding a calcite stalagmite for these ministrations.
His voice was tortured. 'You feel wonderful, too, love. So soft and hot and snug.'
He tried hard to stifle a laugh, she couldn't tell the difference between man meat and a slimy rock.

[The Wife]

Since the girl was a virgin, maybe she just didn't know. Maybe she thought it was SUPPOSED to be slimy.

[Matt]

Could be worse, she could have experienced her first tentacle sex.

[The Wife]

Perhaps she did?

[Matt]

Right after her slickrock rampage.

[Deanatroi]

Weirdest thing I ever heard was a supposedly true fact. Back in medieval times to prevent pregnancy, they used the first IUD concept. The women had pebbles put inside their uterus to prevent pregnancies. Don't know how they got them out, but supposedly this is true.

[Matt]

They did all kinds of stuff.
Like crocodile dung cervical caps.
(Yuck)
The japanese had turtle shell caps for the male glans.
*wtf?*

[The Wife]

D, forget how they got them out -- I suppose they'd just come out with menstuation -- how did they get them in? I mean, the cervix doesn't open THAT much, and they'd have to shove pretty darn hard. Ouch!

Matt, or lemons! Citric acid burns! Ack!

[Matt]

Ah yes, the lemony freshness of citrus cervical cap.

[The Wife]

Maybe that's why people joke that it smells like fish -- lemon juice as flavoring!