Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Quotes

Sex in the primordial soup

"She was a wild creature of the primeval swamp, a forest nymph seeking rapturous fulfillment from this man who had become, in this sylvan glade, a satyr driven by a wild primitive need for the golden beauty that lay beneath him."

The Eagle and the Rose -- Diana G. Robinson

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Some people get herpes. He got salmonella.

"Damn, he was a sucker for a pair of reptiles."

The Last Warrior -- Kristen Kyle

And to her left was Hitler on a unicycle juggling fish

"Curious about why he'd pulled her, she turned and saw a young werewolf on roller blades, juggling bowling pins."

Through a Crimson Veil -- Patti O'Shea

You have to admit, it was an interesting way to kill a Terminator

"On a breathless gasp, she shrieked his name, tried desperately to twist away, failed, grabbed his head, fingers locking in his hair, felt her entire body jolt as the sensation of him kissing, then licking -- and then, oh God, sucking -- raced like wildfire through her, a roaring conflagration that melted her nerves and left her a molten puddle of need."

Where the Heart Leads -- Stephanie Laurens

Which was okay because she preferred guys who could kiss upside down in the rain

"He wanted to stay with her, but at the same time he needed a space to breathe.  Upside down."

England's Perfect Hero -- Suzanne Enoch

It was great, but he wasn't ready to get rid of his Happy Sock... yet

"This was nothing like releasing his seed in a nocturnal emission, and he wasn't sure he was meant to survive the intensity of mating with such a wondrous creature."

Moon of Desire -- Pam Rock

Liberace: Now in Esperanto

"You're not even someone I could have dreamed.  You're like someone from a fairy story written in a language I don't even know."

Mine Till Midnight -- Lisa Kleypas

If only he had his hairy back, too

"Aren't you getting cold standing there with only your hairy chest on?"

Jade Star -- Catherine Coulter

Unfortunately she used her flesh-shield and repelled him

"'Now, Jorund,' she murmured, feeling the throbbing heat of his great flesh-spear against her woman's mound."

My Warrior's Heart -- Betina Krahn