Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Quotes

"You're not a bird! Stop trying to feed me regurgitated onion rings!"

"Without the benefit of her sight, her other senses became more acute, zoning on the side of her hair against the coverlet as she moved her head back and forth, the pulsating beat of the moody music floating from the season, the taste of salty onions lingering on her lips, the musky scent of her intimate nest teasing her nostrils."

In A Bind -- Stephanie Bond 

She returned ten Power Gems to Spirit Island and equipped the Fairy of Power -- Orally.

"As soft as pillows, her lips crushed under his, remolding to the contours of his mouth, and the dark heat of her tongue pressed between her lips like a tiny blazing sword."

Cold Case, Hot Bodies -- Jule McBride

His laser of love had her honey-slicked juice box bursting into a fiery flower of fun-pudding

"Eliza gasped, managed to strangle the scream of pleasure that rose up her throat. Vaguely thought that he should have warned her as her body bowed and streams of white-hot sensation lanced through her, deep into her, coursing down to tighten something low in her body to pool and spread there."

In Pursuit of Eliza Cynster -- Stephanie Laurens

She had a teeny-tiny saddle made from macaroni and she'd finally found a teeny-tiny (baloney) pony

"His torso tanned all over. Long, powerful legs, and a cock that looked made to ride."

French Kissing -- Nancy Warren

The Boerie Bjorn, a modern new way to carry your cock in comfort!

"She used both hands to make a sling out of the dress, then captured his penis in its cradle."

Good to the Last Bite -- Crystal Green

Maybe if it added a musical number to the dance routine?

"So there they were; her in his bed... but not. His dick doing the here-I-am-dance...for nothing. One side of her sheet beginning to droop, his hope rising as uselessly as his dick."

 Bedeviled Angel -- Annette Blair

Her rebellious phase didn't leave her many options; she became a vegan.

"Her mother, less inhibited, speared the steaming flesh in chunks, lifting her laden fork fearlessly over the swelling landscape of her breasts to her waiting mouth."

The Ripening Time -- Catherine MacLeod & Alistair Mair

Losing weight the Mueller Exerciser way!

"It jiggled her heart, lifting it, making it pump faster."

Craving Jamie -- Emma Darcy

Luckily his rod was grounded properly

"When she came, it was thunder—lightning in her head, arcing down her spine. "

Tiger Eye: The First Dirk & Steele Novel -- Marjorie M. Liu

It was just after "ghost" and just before "goofy goober"

"I have never seen one before, but the word 'goblin' popped into my mind as if I had a supernatural dictionary printed on the inside of my eyeballs."

Club Dead -- Charlaine Harris